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knightsbff posted 6/1/2013 14:37 PM

I am really struggling the last few weeks.

I think it has to do with me resigning from my job.

BH and I wanted me to be a SAHM, not a Stay In Bed Mom.

I did OK for the first couple of days, but now I'm really finding it hard to do anything. I'm feeling a strong urge to run and hide which is something I remember feeling during the A. During the A my coping mechanism was to text, email, or contact the OM somehow. I am not tempted to break NC at all. I only mention that unhealthy coping mechanism because I feel I need to find more healthy coping mechanisms.

I do talk to my BH about what I'm feeling but I feel I need to be doing more with my time. Maybe I need to stick to a schedule with the kids or something.

I did sign us all up for drawing classes which start on Monday. And I arranged for DD14 to start riding horses again (something we gave up due to work schedules). We are planing for her to be in a show in July.

I just feel overwhelmed with the day to day and I know that is ridiculous. Why is this staying home so hard for me?

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 6/1/2013 14:41 PM

Perhaps you identified too much with your occupation?? Could it be that you that your job was WHO you are, so you're now feeling a bit lost??

(((hugs)))

hardlessons posted 6/1/2013 14:47 PM

BH and I wanted me to be a SAHM

If BH's thoughts/wants were not part of the equation what would knightsbff want?

Maybe I need to stick to a schedule with the kids or something.

SAHM can be just as difficult as a demanding 9-5 gig. The assumption is that you have the whole day to get stuff done, but at the end of it not much got accomplished. Treat SAHM just like a job in some sense. 5P's Perfect planning prevents poor performance. A useful day rarely just materializes. Sounds like you have a few activities lined up and that's great. What else do you want to fill the time with?

knightsbff posted 6/1/2013 15:04 PM

Could it be that you that your job was WHO you are, so you're now feeling a bit lost??
Yes, I think having a career was a big part of who I was. I knew this but I really wanted to make this change.

If BH's thoughts/wants were not part of the equation what would knightsbff want?
I would still want this opportunity, but I'm torn. I really want to be able to have this time with my kids before they are out of the house. My oldest DD is away at college and I feel I missed too much.

What else do you want to fill the time with?
I want to take some of the pressure off of my BH to get things done at home. Some of them are scary for me though. Business and financial dealings that desperately need taken care of. I'm having a lot of anxiety about that stuff though. I think I am avoiding them which makes the anxiety worse....

inconnu posted 6/3/2013 20:25 PM

former SAHM here - create a schedule. Get up in the morning and get dressed. Make a list of the things you want to get accomplished for the week, then figure out which day you can do what. Keep it simple at first, so it's not overwhelming.

example -
get up, get dressed, get coffee or breakfast

a quick, simple household chore

research online something you have anxiety over learning to do

lunch

another chore

start dinner

take a break, hang out on SI, etc

finish making dinner

dinner/family time at night


Before you know it, you'll have kid activities to chauffeur for, and other stuff outside the house to add to your schedule. After several weeks, you'll start to see which days work better for what. Just make sure you plan for some "me time" in there. Trust me, you'll need it.

KBeguile posted 6/3/2013 20:44 PM

I know Heart used to swear by FLYLADY. I'm sure you can find some of her stuff online still.

SoVerySadNow posted 6/3/2013 21:03 PM

Fly Lady's routines save many of us.

I remember the adjustment period after I became a SAHM the first time. My career had been a big part of my life, enjoyment, and identity. It was difficult to suddenly make a switch. I missed it, the interactions, feeling like I had a purpose every day. Of course being a SAHM has great importance but staying home was hard in the beginning. I worried that working women would think I wasn't really "working".
I found my footing though, and knew I had done the right thing. I've never regretted it.
You'll find your pace. It's not a sprint.

She-Ra posted 6/3/2013 21:58 PM

Those are great suggestions!

You can do it KnightsBFF!! I will be starting my 1 year stint as a SAHM starting next Monday. My newborn will keep me hopping but I also want to make the most of the experience and help my BH too

[This message edited by messedupchick at 10:00 PM, June 3rd, 2013 (Monday)]

knightsbff posted 6/4/2013 13:02 PM

Thanks everyone! These are good suggestions. I am going to try inconnu's schedule and I will check out Fly Lady.

It's a lot like HL said. I feel like I have the whole day to do get tons of stuff done then the day is gone so quickly and I didn't get as much done as I thought I would.

Planning should help. And I need to give myself credit for the stuff I am getting done too.

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