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hopeful18 (original poster member #19234) posted at 10:46 PM on Saturday, June 1st, 2013
We are in mc and I am thinking maybe we should be seeing a sex therapist too. After five years of false R wh says that the real problem has been that he is not attracted to me. I have lost some weight and he seems to be more interested in sex and very remorseful. But I can't shake the feeling that maybe we need some help in the sex department. Anyone ever see one? Any thoughts about this?
[This message edited by hopeful18 at 6:48 PM, June 1st (Saturday)]
doesitgetbetter ( member #18429) posted at 11:01 PM on Saturday, June 1st, 2013
Thoughts? Sex is not why your WH cheats, and if you let him off thinking that it is, then you'll just be staring down another DDay in a few more years.
DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - WS
Us - working on R - again
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
D-day 2 July 4, 2015, turns out he is a SAWH, status, working harder than before
May 22, 2019 -slip/relapse. He forgot he has to work forever
hopeful18 (original poster member #19234) posted at 12:30 AM on Sunday, June 2nd, 2013
I am not excusing wh because of sex. More of a marriage issue that needs to be improved. I agree that it is no excuse to cheat, but I do think a good and regular sex life is important and something we have problems with. Sex is good when we make time for it but often life gets in the way and weeks turn into months, etc.
Nogoingback ( member #38712) posted at 12:33 AM on Sunday, June 2nd, 2013
We are having issues here too. My psych put me on to a very interesting book: Intimacy & Desire by David Schnarch, which I am part way through. Just changes perspectives and I am finding it quite helpful.
BS 39
WS 38
together 10 years prior to:
DD 4/8/2011
EA/PA with co-worker while I was pregnant
3 yo DD and 1 to old DS
4 years trying to R
It's over, baby.
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron
joeboo ( member #31089) posted at 6:40 AM on Sunday, June 2nd, 2013
Our MC's forte was actually being a certified sex therapist. Quite frankly, she was much better at that than she was MC. The way I see it, if you are moving along in R, it can't hurt. Although I will caution you that there seemed to be an aura of the 60' sexual revolution where sex is just wonderful. So the sex therapist may look well past any infidelity as something really bad. But, if you go into it outside the premise of MC, then you should be ok.
Good luck. I wish you the best with whatever you decide.
OnAnIsland ( member #34319) posted at 8:42 AM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013
No sex therapy yet, but one book that really helped me think differently about sex. Esther Perl- Mating in Captivity
Some of her stuff on infidelity triggered me. Such a warning for any readers. She also did a Ted talk around valentines day.
D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
MrsDoubtfire ( member #24786) posted at 2:41 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013
I was referred to a sex therapist and she was utterly useless! Banned sex and told us to hug- err, my husband had an affair ..... Do you know how that makes me feel? I need more than the touching -massaging -leading on towards the more intimate touch approach!!!
Throw in a childhood rape that she avoided like the plague and you get a crap result!!
BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†
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