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Topic: Anyone try sex therapy?

hopeful18
♀ 19234
Member # 19234

Posted: 4:46 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013

We are in mc and I am thinking maybe we should be seeing a sex therapist too. After five years of false R wh says that the real problem has been that he is not attracted to me. I have lost some weight and he seems to be more interested in sex and very remorseful. But I can't shake the feeling that maybe we need some help in the sex department. Anyone ever see one? Any thoughts about this?

[This message edited by hopeful18 at 6:48 PM, June 1st (Saturday)]

Posts: 250 | Registered: Apr 2008

doesitgetbetter
♀ 18429
Member # 18429

Posted: 5:01 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013

Thoughts? Sex is not why your WH cheats, and if you let him off thinking that it is, then you'll just be staring down another DDay in a few more years.

DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - turns out he's a SAWH
Us - ?????
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
D-day 2 July 4, 2015, status, working harder than ever before, trying to fix something we thought we already had. It's SO hard!

Posts: 4117 | Registered: Feb 2008

hopeful18
♀ 19234
Member # 19234

Posted: 6:30 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013

I am not excusing wh because of sex. More of a marriage issue that needs to be improved. I agree that it is no excuse to cheat, but I do think a good and regular sex life is important and something we have problems with. Sex is good when we make time for it but often life gets in the way and weeks turn into months, etc.

Posts: 250 | Registered: Apr 2008

Nogoingback
♀ 38712
Member # 38712

Posted: 6:33 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013

We are having issues here too. My psych put me on to a very interesting book: Intimacy & Desire by David Schnarch, which I am part way through. Just changes perspectives and I am finding it quite helpful.

BS 36
WS 34
together 10 years prior to:
DD 4/8/2011
EA/PA with co-worker while I was pregnant
3 yo DD and 1 to old DS
4 years trying to R
It's over, baby.
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron

Posts: 114 | Registered: Mar 2013

joeboo
♂ 31089
Member # 31089

Posted: 12:40 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013

Our MC's forte was actually being a certified sex therapist. Quite frankly, she was much better at that than she was MC. The way I see it, if you are moving along in R, it can't hurt. Although I will caution you that there seemed to be an aura of the 60' sexual revolution where sex is just wonderful. So the sex therapist may look well past any infidelity as something really bad. But, if you go into it outside the premise of MC, then you should be ok.

Good luck. I wish you the best with whatever you decide.

Posts: 1246 | Registered: Feb 2011

OnAnIsland
♀ 34319
Member # 34319

Posted: 2:42 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013

No sex therapy yet, but one book that really helped me think differently about sex. Esther Perl- Mating in Captivity

Some of her stuff on infidelity triggered me. Such a warning for any readers. She also did a Ted talk around valentines day.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1486 | Registered: Dec 2011

MrsDoubtfire
♀ 24786
Member # 24786

Posted: 8:41 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013

I was referred to a sex therapist and she was utterly useless! Banned sex and told us to hug- err, my husband had an affair ..... Do you know how that makes me feel? I need more than the touching -massaging -leading on towards the more intimate touch approach!!!

Throw in a childhood rape that she avoided like the plague and you get a crap result!!

BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1622 | Registered: Jul 2009

Topic Posts: 7

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