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We are in mc and I am thinking maybe we should be seeing a sex therapist too. After five years of false R wh says that the real problem has been that he is not attracted to me. I have lost some weight and he seems to be more interested in sex and very remorseful. But I can't shake the feeling that maybe we need some help in the sex department. Anyone ever see one? Any thoughts about this?

[This message edited by hopeful18 at 6:48 PM, June 1st (Saturday)]

Thoughts? Sex is not why your WH cheats, and if you let him off thinking that it is, then you'll just be staring down another DDay in a few more years.

I am not excusing wh because of sex. More of a marriage issue that needs to be improved. I agree that it is no excuse to cheat, but I do think a good and regular sex life is important and something we have problems with. Sex is good when we make time for it but often life gets in the way and weeks turn into months, etc.

We are having issues here too. My psych put me on to a very interesting book: Intimacy & Desire by David Schnarch, which I am part way through. Just changes perspectives and I am finding it quite helpful.

Our MC's forte was actually being a certified sex therapist. Quite frankly, she was much better at that than she was MC. The way I see it, if you are moving along in R, it can't hurt. Although I will caution you that there seemed to be an aura of the 60' sexual revolution where sex is just wonderful. So the sex therapist may look well past any infidelity as something really bad. But, if you go into it outside the premise of MC, then you should be ok.

Good luck. I wish you the best with whatever you decide.

No sex therapy yet, but one book that really helped me think differently about sex. Esther Perl- Mating in Captivity

Some of her stuff on infidelity triggered me. Such a warning for any readers. She also did a Ted talk around valentines day.

I was referred to a sex therapist and she was utterly useless! Banned sex and told us to hug- err, my husband had an affair ..... Do you know how that makes me feel? I need more than the touching -massaging -leading on towards the more intimate touch approach!!!

Throw in a childhood rape that she avoided like the plague and you get a crap result!!