In laws in my life and thinkng are kind of like a species.
Perv has a huge family and they are some of the strangest and most loving and most bizarre and most rug-sweeping and most unabe to deal with reality people that I have ever, ever met.
When a tragedy happens in marriage or person's life, the inlaws come running full force at the beginning. Then, over time, fade away like a hive or chicken pox.
Thank goodness there are two who have been some of my most constant supporters and have become some of my very best friends. One I trust implicitly and the other...pretty good. And what would be said anyway is already known.
Others who I was very close to-DD's godmother-snubs me, as Perv "got to" her, yet her family shows me every kindness when we see each other.
My father said something intereting about his situation with my mother, in that he felt like maybe people just didn't know how to handle it. Then sometimes I think he just wants everything nice and people do know how to handle it and make choices.
Some of the ILs have come forward and though I don't see them often, are more personal then ever before and shared tragedies of their own and need their own support. Though it is a massive family, there isn't a ton of love or personalness and a lot of narcissism.
Sorry for my long speech.
I too, think it's common for things to fade between ILs and BSs when D comes. If there are kids it can help, if we want it to.
Some bizarre things were said to one of them, who I don't really contact anymore. When Perv left last year, she helped me emotionally and with some social service things, but before we even knew of OW, do you know what she said? "Well, my little brother is a good catch!" (No, he isn't!)
Then, when I told her I filed the papers, she told me, "Well, I guess he made his decision. Uh, no...it was me.
A's and related behavior really show us an enormous amount about the world and it's people, don't they? Perv is shunned by some of them and others will always bail the other out. That's what I think he's counting on, but the lies are catching up.
Yes, people sure do drop off the face of the earth, when this happens, Shocked. I'm sorry for your extra pain, I have it too. I choose to not dwell on the person who hurt me also and know that she heard false things, but will believe it because it's easier.
I think keeping in touch with a BS is also maybe a disloyal feeling for some of them, and the other I spoke of just flat out told him, "Ash will always be my friend." This IL and I actually talked about sharing a house and he's who I call when the baby comes.
We also made a pact to share anniversary dinners-he's divorced-with each other until one of us date.
A comfort I have is in knowing that it's not competition, but Perv doesn't have relationships like that with them because they don't get close to each other-they just bail each other out.
Maybe, Shocked, maybe it has to be enough to know yourself that you did nothing wrong. Sometimes, that's all that gets me to sleep at night. To hell with what other people think sometimes, even though it's hard to let go of so much at one time. Maybe it's not stress that's needed now and a new activity or something might bring new people with it?
I joined yoga and though not best friends, people greet me and make small talk now and have nothing to do with marriage or home life...and it's only for me. Maybe something like finding a way for new people in life isn't so bad? It just takes time and thought.
Sometimes, life can be ironic in a tragedy, too.