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Newest Member: chinaandback (61844)

User Topic: How Should the WS family be told?
♀ 39073
Member # 39073
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband called his family (sisters) and told them that he had an affair. I was disappointed that he didn't do it in front of me. I would have liked to hear what he told them and what they had to say to him. They have not reached out to me at all so I figure that they side with him.

Several years ago my husband started emailing his family with his own account. I am not sure why, it could have been innocent. However, I asked him to use our family account because I was feeling left out of the loop of family news. Then, when my brother died 3 years ago, I asked again because losing him caused me to want to be involved even more. I have asked several times but he always "forgets." Lastly, my sister died in November and I heard nothing from them. Later I found out that they emailed him and told him to give me a hug and tell me they were sorry. Of course he was in the middle of his EA so he read their emails and filed them away without telling me. On the day of her funeral, his GF dedicated a Beatles song to him and he was over the moon about it. FANTASY ROMANCE.

I have felt left out and put aside by his family off and on through the past 28 years. If we stay together, it will be hard to trust them anymore than I trust him.

How did your WS inform his/her family? Was that healing or hurtful for you?

Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email

Posts: 195 | Registered: Apr 2013
♂ 38681
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did your WS inform his/her family? Was that healing or hurtful for you?

Oh! The drama.
I could nominate exW for an Oscar.

On D day, she actually caught the PI watching her and gave him a mouthful. She came home from shopping groceries.
I came home after half an hour and she was with OM on the phone. I was preparing coffee to relax and she comes to the kitchen and says " be careful , I'm warning you. I know what you are doing and you'll have to suffer the consequences. I'll contact the police if anything happens to me".

I didn't know about the PI getting caught. I just told her to stop shooting arrows in the dark and tell me what happened.
She said " you know what you are doing and stop it before this turns ugly" ( I came to know later she thought I had hired a hitman )

I acted normal and asked her to keep all conversations limited to DS only.
She said " I will call the police and register a DV and mental torture because this is torture".

That's it'! I had enough of police threats ( she is a cops daughter)

I told her that she was having an affair and she was caught. She was struggling to keep a straight face and calm voice. I told her what I had found out and she denied everything.

While confrontation, she called up her brother and spoke to him in front of me. She said I am accusing her of an A. She also told BIL that first I tortured her and now this. " how much am I supposed to take?"

I was naive and told her that if she loved OM and he could take care of DS then let me go.
At this she said to her brother " oh! He's showing his big heart"

BIL asked her to leave the house. She said " why should I leave this is my house" ( lease was under her name)

She called up exMIL so she could listen to our conversation. MIL couldn't understand a thing.

I met FIL and told him everything. His daughter had already prepared him for what I was going to say, but, the level of detail was difficult to write off. In the middle of the conversation he actually took the name of OM saying " is it @OM". At that point I knew OM had been introduced to the family.
FIL promised he would take my side and told me to forgive her. He also used a rusted movie dialog which meant " the forgiver is bigger than the guilty"

In half an hour I eavesdropped him talking to his daughter who brainwashed him like a crisis negotiater with tons of experience.
FIL told me such a person of OM's description did not exist in exW 's office. Come on dude !

ExW 's elder BIL was shown the evidence and he was convinced.
He also asked me to forgive her. I said I am willing but exW is not letting go of OM.

I told her elder sister in Georgia, and she did not reply, she was shocked at the allegations. This was on Internet chat. I gave her details no on could deny.

Nothing helped. ExW lied and and lied and covered up. Her main theme was that I had tortured her and when she threatened to go to the police, I was accusing her of having an A to get out of the marriage.

Whatever she did helped her cause.
Her side of the family was convinced that I was never a good H. I left her to go to an international work assignment. I was abusive. I was nearly impotent. And their daughter bore it all silently all these years for the saie of her M. So that is why exW needs to get out of this toxic M, A or no A, and needs to find herself a food H who will not be incompetent like me.

During financial negotiations her family tried to extract a lot of moolah from me, but, being from a family of investors and bankers, my mother had a habit of keeping records. All false claims were reduced to dust.
She was given what she invested in her M and let go.

BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 16482
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The harsh reality is that blood is thicker than water. No matter what he has done and what he told them, in the end, they will forgive him.

For your own sake, start a new life that does not include counting on the friendship you had with WS family.

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
♀ 25518
Member # 25518
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't waste your energy . They will forgive WS and take that side , no matter the truth .Move on .

Copied from HUFI-PUFI
Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 1683 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: East Coast
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep same thing I experienced. They will forgive them because blood is thicker than water. Of course everything was my fault and they blamed me, told me to move back to my mother's 900 miles away from my son and "they couldn't understand how long she held out". My MIL told me that I had to win her back. Fuck that. I don't talk to any of them and avoid any situation where I could run into them. That goes for her aunt and uncle. All these people I did incredible things for. No contact is best. Frankly I'm 99% sure they are scared and intimidated by me anyhow.

BS(me) 50
WW 49
1 son 17 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1636 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Topic Posts: 5

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