Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: 20yearsplus (61840)

User Topic: Maybe You Should Have Thought About That
♀ 39145
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Venting time.....again!

I had posted on Facebook last night that it was time for bed because I was going to have my granddaughter the next day so I needed my sleep. That was around 10:30. I woke up at 4:50 to a Facebook message and text from WH. The Facebook message was "Thanks a lot". The text message was "Thanks a lot now I can't see ***". WTF! You dumbass; maybe you should have thought of this stuff when you chose your "friendship" over your wife, marriage and family!!!!! I messaged him back and said "I don't know what the issue is." I then text him back and said "Why can't you. *** asked me to babysit and I wasn't gonna say no. If you want to see *** I will work something out with you." Then the guilt kicked in.....

So, I messaged him again later this morning and said that if he wanted to see *** that I would have her at the apartment and he was more than welcome to come over and see her; he just needed to let me know if he wanted to and what time. He said ok. Then he messaged me again and asked if 11:00 was okay. I said yes. So he showed up about 11:05 (always late) and stayed for a little over an hour. During that time I went to the grocery store and gas station just so I didn't have to be there the whole time. When he was on his way out he asked me if I wanted some asparagus (we used to always go and pick asparagus together) and I said "No thank you". He said "Okay, see ya later". That was the extent of our talking.

Damn, as soon as he left the tears started again. Thankfully it only lasted a little while; I kept re-reading the text messages he had sent OW so I started getting mad again. But still; why can't I just hate this man!!! I know I have to go NC as much as possible but I'm also not going to keep his granddaughter from him; that's not fair as this is between me and him, not him and his kids or granddaughter.

Okay, now I feel better that I got this off my chest. Off to a better day tomorrow!

Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
♀ 35507
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why have you assumed the responsibility for assuring that he sees his granddaughter? That is HIS responsibility, not yours. He can call her parents and make arrangements to see her without you being involved. STOP accepting responsibility for what isn't yours. Let him work on his relationship with his family members on his own. It is one of the consequences he suffers after he fired you from being his wife. Back off and let him take ownership for his life and his relationships. If it fails then that is on him, not you.

Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why would you feel guilty for him not seeing his grandchild? Does he not have a home to take her to? Like they said he fired you from that position. No way would I be his go between person with his Kids or grandkids. Like you said he should have thought about that before he blew up his family. You will continue to get upset as long as you continue having contact with him. The only way to get to indifference is with NC and sticking to it. I know it is hard to do, but it is the only way to heal yourself. (((HUGS)))

BS-55 XWH#2-No longer my monkey
M-11yrs LTA-5yrs Divorced 8/15
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

Posts: 9215 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^Ditto to what the others have said.

He sacked you from that job. Talk about manipulation!

NC means NC. If you don't HAVE to see him then do not subject yourself to it.

Do not have him in your house. Let him make arrangements to see his GD himself. That is his job now.

The goal isn't to hate him - you need to detach from him, indifference is the goal and detachment is the path.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 6015 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 32962
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with everyone else. I would also block him on Facebook. I was friends for a while with poopsmear and then decided it was not smart Or good for my mental health to give him that window into my life. If you block him on Facebook then he won't see that sort of thing and from now on let the douche bag work out his logistics to maintaining his family relationships.

Sorry about the setback. I did that to myself way too many times in the first couple of years after the divorce. It took me a long time to learn. I have only recently gotten better at boundaries with him. I ask myself, "is this something that must be coordinated with him concerning the kids? Is this something that must be coordinated with him regarding the kid related finances? If not, he doesn't hear from me.

-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 1025 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 16482
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not responsible for making him happy. He has to do that himself.

This man chose to hurt you and his family to get his rocks off. Do not reply to his wining.

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Topic Posts: 6

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.