Hi , thanks for all the support guys . Just figured I'd give an update for what's been happening in my 'wonderful life '.
Since my last post , my WBF and I have broken up . After everything things started to really go down hill for me ... I luckily managed to get my exam deferred ... My Dean ( who is a consultants psychiatrist ) could see I wasn't coping very well with everything and supported my request . My exam was meant to be last week ... Didn't do it . So it will be In sept now.
Prior to this my WBF had somehow decided that the best thing to do in my state is to go on a boys weekend away which I was very unhappy and emotional about . The following weekend ... The weekend before the week I was supposed to be doing my exams but couldn't ... He. Decides to go on another weekend away ( which he said was paid for months in advance for an event with a group of single loser friends .
I cried and cried , tried to talk to him .... He just argued and said 'if i wanna go out with my friends , I'm gonna go out with my friends '. So I left his house .
Admittedly he tried to call me for a few days after that , but I knew he would just act like nothing happened so I never answered or spoke to him .
Eventually I sent him some messages telling him how I felt and that I needed him and I felt like he wasn't being sensitive to my needs .
I even asked him if he wanted me to just leave so he could live his life ... He said he didn't want me to go. After this I called him ... He was already on the train on his way to his weekend away .
I was devastated . I felt like I didn't matter .... He didn't even care .
The night he was on his way back he said he would talk to me properly ASAP . I felt like he had just gone and did what he wanted to then now he's back he wanted to fix things . Manipulation at its greatest.
The morning he came back I had noticed he had put up a status saying 'I love MANCHESTER ' ( the place in the UK he had gone to ) .
I took that as a slap in the face . He knew I would see that . Maybe I was being self centred in feeling that was directed at me and he was being a dick ... But how else can I feel right now .
So I broke up with him .... ( hoping he would see how serious I was ... Hoping he would realise what he had been doing to me )
He never resisted . Just claimed to be 'falling apart ' at work .
I just wanted him to show me he cared ... He didn't .
We have spoken since and he claims he never wanted to break up .. But thinks we should leave things as they are and take time apart to think ... I agree we need time to sort our heads out because so much crap has happened that we never stopped to breathe .
I have so many mixed feelings ..., I spent 7 yrs of my life with this man ... He proposed to me just 2.5 months ago but now he won't fight for me .
He stil maintains that I never treated him right and that's what lead to him doing what he did ... And no matter how much I try and tell him how I feel he seems to trivialise what he has done to me and talk incessantly about how I mistreated him ... I feel like he feels that I deserve all this .. Why else is he doing this ... Why is he making me feel like I'm nothing.
My greatest concern is that after this 'break/ breakup' he'll either just completely disappear from my life or just say he's over it .
I also wonder if he's just giving me time to be weened off him so that when he does leave he won't be responsible for me breaking down... You know like for his own ego to know that he didn't just cheat on me and then leave me ... I don't what to think ... But I'm going crazy .
We speak very rarely at the moment because we're meant to be thinking things through .. But he seems a little detached so I fear that the women he speaks to are giving him the comfort he wants in regards to this situation and that eventually he' ll feel like the grass is greener on the other side .
He has made me feel like the worst woman in the world ... So I don't expect him to stay ... But because of this 'break/break up /time to think' bull I feel like I'm in limbo.
So confused .