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Ws sad about loss of friendship

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cuppacoffee posted 6/2/2013 15:19 PM

Is that normal?
Last night the COW showed up at his work with her boyfriend. They quickly said hello (not to tip off other co workers) and then exchanged a glance when the cow was leaving.

Today the wh is all mopey about losing her friendship. Wtf? I told him "yea such a good friend that told you she didn't want to deal with your issues and ditched you when the shit got real. Along with I don't know you slept with her a d she knew you were married and have 6 kids."

I am just so pissed. I told him if he wants to be friends with her then I'm out. I am not going to work on things if he's not 100% in. He said nothing.

wifeno2 posted 6/2/2013 15:26 PM


Immediately. It will save your sanity and possibly your M.

He thinks he misses COW, see what happens when he realizes he may miss his family...

And it will remind you of what a competent, whole, healthy human being you are.

Maat1021 posted 6/2/2013 15:49 PM

I agree with 180, he's still in the fog. I wasn't aware of this site when stbx thought his supposed friendship with a co-worker was oh so important. I went through a lot I shouldn't have because of it. He's not remorseful yet, time for a reality check.

cuppacoffee posted 6/2/2013 15:56 PM

I am just so pissed. I am certain he hasn't had any other contact in the past two weeks. He still thinks of her as a good friend. The pa happened in November and they decided to just be friends after. Well until d day and that was 2.5 weeks ago.

I want to call her and tell her to back the f@ck off but I don't want her to know he's been thinking about her or how much she hurt us.

TrustGone posted 6/2/2013 16:21 PM


Just be very careful. Nonremorseful WS's often take it underground before they are willing to give up the "high" they get from the affair. Especially those that think they can remain friends with the AP. They often fall right back into the fantasy relationship and think they are being more careful and will not get caught again. Have you told her BF?? If not, then you should. That will make it harder for them to take it underground. Good luck and I am so sorry you are going through this. Keep posting and we will provide you with some of the support you will need to get through this. (((HUGS)))

IAmPsycho posted 6/2/2013 16:28 PM

I agree to 180 him. He needs to think about what it would be like to lose YOUR friendship. He needs a little perspective, and a wake up call.

cuppacoffee posted 6/2/2013 16:33 PM

I have not told the boufriend because the cow threatened to ruin his life. I don't want him to lose his job because we can't afford to lose it.

cuppacoffee posted 6/2/2013 16:33 PM

He has acted remorseful an has tried to step it up as a husband. I know seeing her triggered him. They tried to just be friends for 6 months after the a. I knew about the friendship and I told him it was inappropriate and to stop it.

I am such a fool. I thought things were moving forward.

[This message edited by cuppacoffee at 4:38 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)]

Holly-Isis posted 6/2/2013 17:00 PM

the cow threatened to ruin his life.

And that's what he considers a friendship worth missing? WTH?

"Your life can implode, but don't dare touch mine."

BTW, there is more risk of restarting the A because of this. Especially if they are sharing "looks".

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 5:02 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)]

NoraLee posted 6/2/2013 20:41 PM

I had to deal with that shit...not the moping - but that he wrecked their friendship by falling in love with her. We did some reality reeducation there. Real friends don't try to destroy your marriage and family. Real friends don't try to damage each others lives to satisfy their selfish needs..

He needs a reality check...he's still romanticizing the A...the exchanged glances...puke! It's not fair to you...

NoraLee posted 6/2/2013 20:45 PM

Is he not NC with her? Saying hello breaks NC. 180 his ass hard. It's time he sees what this teenaged unicorn farting bullshit will cost him.

Was he her superior? Can she really ruin his career? If not then tell the boyfriend.

cuppacoffee posted 6/2/2013 21:21 PM

He was an assistant manager and she was floor staff at the time.
He claims no one knows about the a. They used to hang out in a big group and he was in box office with another co worker who would have questioned why he didn't say hello to her.
I want him to be 100% committed to me. I want none of this mopey shit. She was not a good friend to him at all. She was a dirty skank.

NoraLee posted 6/2/2013 21:44 PM

I struggled with H losing his job too. Luckily, we've moved into reconciliation without H needing to change jobs. But ultimately, I would have sacrificed our financial security to save our marriage.

Funny though - when our mc told H that he'd have to find a new job if he couldn't make me feel comfortable working there - he found a way to avoid her immediately - like within hours. Tell H that if he can't get his head in the game by the end of the week - you'll tell bf - and if he loses his job - well it's a small price for saving his marriage...

cuppacoffee posted 6/2/2013 22:03 PM

Yeah she doesn't even work at his theater any more. The one she works at is farther away but all of her "friends" are at the husbands theater. They decided after sleeping together she should switch theaters.

I'm afraid she is going to transfer to his because she now lives much closer to this theater than hers.

I want to punch her!!!

NoraLee posted 6/2/2013 22:05 PM

Btw - next time he doesn't say hello and when questioned, he answers, "I'm rude." and then he keeps his head down to AVOID eye contact. It's out of respect for YOU!! If I thought Cow thought my H was pining for her - or reminiscing about her - it would KILL me -

It's partly as a joke - but I make my H practice his "disgusted" look just in case they accidently make eye contact. But we DO seriously practice scenarios for when she might ever attempt conversation. Like fire drills - he can't be caught off guard. She says hello - he walks away from where she's standing. If she pursues - he says - I have nothing to say to you. If she cries - begs, pleads - no difference.

You are only 2 weeks out - but your H AND cOW conspired to destroy you - she was the weapon and he needs to see her as that. This "friend" caused his life mate and partner extreme soul crushing pain - and he needs to rue the day he ever set eyes on her.

Nature_Girl posted 6/2/2013 22:16 PM

Oh HELL no!

You tell that moron he needs to snap out of it. Grow a pair and do right by you & your children, or else GTFO the house. Don't give him a week! HELL NO! He makes up his damn mind now. Right now. Right the F now.

There might be problems? The OW might cause problems? Welcome to the real world, Jack. You F up, you get consequences. Face up to them like a man. What a wuss.

Sweetie, you aren't gonna win him back by being nice & tolerant & understanding. You need to grow a spine and stand up for yourself & your children. Don't put up with his marital history rewrite. Don't put up with his victim mentality. Don't put up with his ball-less sniviling that the mean old OW is gonna cause him trouble. Fuck that!

Loyalty2Liberty posted 6/2/2013 22:34 PM

Remorseless WS speak their own little language. The word "friendship" in that language means roughly "romantic or sexual relationship, preferably illicit in nature".

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