It is never pathetic to love someone, they are the ones who are pathetic, not us.
You have been betrayed. You have suffered a HUMONGOUS trauma. Please expect your emotions to be all over the place for several months.
It is not pathetic for you to not want to leave. It is not pathetic for you to not want him to leave. It is NATURAL for you to want your husband back.
The next few months are going to be about you coming to terms with the fact that you are not going to have the same marriage or the same husband. It is all changed now.
You have 2 choices right now: Stay together and sort through it as you go. OR separate and work on yourselves individually.
Neither choice is wrong. Either choice will eventually lead you to happiness. Both choices will take time.
My advice to you right now is to focus solely on YOU and your baby. Do not expend energy on your WH or his issues. You can't fix him. He has to fix himself. And if almost losing his wife and unborn child isn't enough to shock him in to fixing himself... than you know what you are dealing with.
Remember, your H's A is about him, not you.
Please, please take care of yourself and you precious baby. This is such a stressful time. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
What does your husband says he wants now that you know?
Hang in there and look for a good IC. You will need help dealing with this. They are hard waters to navigate.
Best wishes for your counseling session tomorrow!
I would suggest that your H read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald.
As long as he is doing everything you ask, answering your questions honestly, and behaving remorsefully and gently, then I would say yes, you can keep your family together while you tackle this huge problem.
I would also think about individual counseling for him. Cheating does not happen because something is wrong with the betrayed spouse or the marriage. It doesn't happen because the affair partner is so wonderful. It happens because something is broken in the cheater. Your H will need to figure out why he gave himself permission to lie, break his wedding vows and risk his family.
Btw, Reconcilliation is not pathetic. It's incredibly hard. ((jojo))
There is nothing pathetic about loving our WS and wanting to R with them.
At first I heard the same things about her wanting to leave for the OM, etc. Then reality set in and she's determined to work on R.
We're going to IC and MC. They're well worth the money and we would've failed without that help.
I'm still not sure that I can live with this pain. There are times when I consider D and times when I want to continue R.
It's been 3.5 months since d-day for me. The mind movies didn't get better until the second month and the pain didn't start to change into something manageable until the third.
I'd say that at work I'm not at about 85 per cent and have returned to the gym.
Good luck to you. You're not pathetic and you're in a similar position to a lot of us.
It's painful and it's horrible.
Stay strong and give it time. You don't have to make decisions at this time. For now, just keep on surviving until you feel stronger. It might take some time. Months, not years. At least that's how it's going for me.
Gotta love the life that we livin'