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Newest Member: Brokeninnm38 (61788)

User Topic: H's sister here - what a mess.
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, my H's sister and her baby have been here since Sat. They leave tomorrow.

I notice so much more how their upbringing - their lack of boundaries, rules, discipline is apparent now that they are grown ups. She behaves as my H did pre-A. There is stuff everywhere, nothing really seems to get done or it takes forever to do. And the excuses. Oh Lord.

My SIL makes excuses about everything. Why the baby is not eating, why he needs a movie to fall asleep at night (he's 17 months old), why she and her parter have not read 5 Love Languages, why they don't go to therapy anymore. Honestly - it is ONE excuse after another!

I SO WISH my H felt comfortable speaking to his sister about the A. I believe she could benefit from his ability to own his behaviour and start taking accountability.

Anyone else see their spouse in a sibling's behaviour - and is the sibling more responsible? Less? Or about equal.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 3439 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
♀ 25451
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From the opposite side- my brother and I had the same crappy childhood, ADHD, abandonment issues. unresolved anger, *Ive* gone to counseling (even before my WH was a WH), learned to manage my ADHD- worked through anger- etc. He sees no connection- doesn't think he needs counseling- feels like he's fine. Every time I see him- Im so grateful to see how far I've been able to come.
Long story short- she'll have to go through her own life changing event to even see it- let alone deal with it- IMO at least..

Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on 08/25/2009

Posts: 705 | Registered: Sep 2009
♀ 39210
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of wh's brothers is a serial cheater. Shacked up with ow after bw left. When he cheated on me I told him he was no better than his brother. Didn't like that so much. If the shoe fits.....

'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 401 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the really exciting fights STBX & I had post DDay were because I'd been studying about ACOA and how I saw his sibling group fitting into that dynamic. Mercy, he did not appreciate me not only bringing his alcoholic family past into the conversation, but then to insinuate that his sainted sister had a part to play in the present dysfunctional drama??? WHEEEEE!!!!!! Hold on to your hats, folks, and be sure to buckle up. It's gonna be a bumpy ride!

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The X's family are the poster children for dysfunction--way too much to go into here. The X was always 'close' to his next older brother (I put it in quotes because it's not really true but he'll never admit it.)

He & this brother were both having A's at the same time (brother lived in another country). His brother would secretly come into our city and bring his AP. The two APs became good friends and remain asshole buddies. Just one, big, cozy family...

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
Topic Posts: 5

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