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Visiting this site triggers ?

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Hopeful85 posted 6/2/2013 20:25 PM

I am almost a year from dday and we are in reconciliation...I trigger usually when he is not home but I have also discovered most times that I also trigger is when either I visit this site or after couples counseling. Anyone else similar? He is hard to trust because I have recently caught him in a possibly unrelated lie and while my gut says he wouldn't cheat again that obviously isn't good enough since I never expected it from the start. I just worry I'm in denial because most days I'm fine but then I read the site and it brings it all back and I find myself calling him out on everything whether it be current or old issues. We talk it out but I don't want to be detrimental to our r...how do you guys handle it? Or is it strange this is a trigger when it should be helpful
Jess

MoreThanMe posted 6/2/2013 20:42 PM

Well yeah- people come here- more often than not- with bad news. And we're all so Leary of our waywards as it is.

Knowing posted 6/2/2013 21:05 PM

I admit that sometimes I have read some things here that compelled me to start questioning my fWH about some aspect of his A I hadn't considered before. I can't say I regret any discussion or argument we've had that was provoked by something I read here. I learned to trust my gut by hearing others' stories. It is only now at 8 months post DDay that I am starting to discern better between real and "fabricated" concerns when I'm reading on here, but like I said, no regrets. Even in my naivety and confusion I didn't do anywhere near the damage my fWH did with his A.

Tripletrouble posted 6/2/2013 21:10 PM

Sometimes I do think I pick up new baggage here, but this site has been so tremendously helpful to me so I keep coming back. It's hard to hear the stories of others with such similarities to our own without internalizing it.

TrustGone posted 6/2/2013 21:45 PM

Yes. Some stories on here trigger me at times. I however find that this site is also more helpful than hurtful for me.

1.)Without the folks from SI I would have always thought that the A was my fault in some way.

2) I would not know that I was actually enabling him to continue his affair with OW.

3)That I needed to heal me and I couldn't fix him.

4) That WH#2 is regretful, but not remorseful and until he is we can not R our marriage. It won't work until he fixs what is broken inside him.

5) Detach from him and practice the 180 (still working on this one).

6) That I have to be willing to let him go in order to save myself and our marriage.

I could go on and on with the things that SI has helped me with. I guess the most helpful thing is knowing I am not alone and I always have someone that will listen and really care when I need to vent, cry, laugh, get a 2X4 upside the head, etc..Just like some medications that have side effects, are the side effects worse than the cure in the long run or can you tolerate them in order to help yourself. SI shows me that there are kind caring people in the world and not everyone is distrustful and hurtful when you open your heart to them. (((HUGS)))

twodoves posted 6/3/2013 08:51 AM

If i read this site before bed it makes the nightmares more intense

sri624 posted 6/3/2013 11:31 AM

i have at times felt the same way...but you want to know the truth?

see....i realized that sometiems i didnt want to come here because of what people were saying....the truth. for example...i would read stories about what real r looked like....and would know in my heart that my wayward was not doing what he needed to do do help me. or, i would read the stories and learn about how access to phone records was a must. it hurt me because my husband refused initially to give me the phone records..

i didnt want to read what people were saying becasue in my heart i knew that my husband was full of crap. fast forward....i discovered i was in false r.

now, my eyes are open. yes, it is hard reading some things on here...and i do get triggers. but that is okay. i need to know that i have the support by reading or posting....to ensure that i am making the right decisions.

tough stuff to read sometimes but so important....i have avoided many mistakes and pitfalls from reading this site.

pewpewpew posted 6/3/2013 11:37 AM

Yes I feel the same sometimes.
I actually had to take a break from SI to focus on my healing.
As much as this site has helped - sometimes it triggers me and causes all the hurt to come back.

SorrowBhindSmile posted 6/3/2013 17:01 PM

its funny that after a 2 week break from visiting SI, i come across this post first.

yes, there have been times i have triggered from reading the site. BUT then again, i trigger from TV shows, songs, the freaking Home Depot for crying out loud. I think it is just a part of the pain that we are going thru. Triggers pops up in the strangest places...no rhyme or reason.

There is much sadness on this site....but from that sadness i have seen some great strength prevail not only in myself but in the other users. Despite the negative/trigger feelings i have gotten from visiting sometimes...the hope, strength, support and words of encouragement i have received from the incredible users here has been vital to my survival. That far outweighs the occasional trigger i feel.

hugs to you.

still-living posted 6/3/2013 18:10 PM

Visiting SI and reading various stories good and bad enabled me to push myself through the pain and process it in a more controlled and accelerated manner. Otherwise, I leave myself susceptible to being "triggered" by random events occurring to me during the day. Some call it "leaning" into the pain.

Skan posted 6/3/2013 18:37 PM

Sometimes, yes, I find it hard to be here. Sometimes after reading a particularly heart-breaking post, I find myself regarding my FWH with narrowed eyes. Sometimes, I just have to put the computer away and walk away for a while. And when I need to do that, I do.

But most of the time, I learn something new every time I come to the site. And I'm reminded in the Wayward forum, that there are WSs who understand completely what they've done and are determined to never go there again, and I can un-narrow my eyes at my FWH (much to his relief!). And occasionally, I can help someone walk a path that no one wants to walk. Those are the good times.

Hopeful85 posted 6/3/2013 20:50 PM

Thanks everyone for not making me feel alone in this. The benefit def outweighs the harm which is why I do come back. I am lazy by nature and this website and our counselor helps keep that in check by assuring me I should check up on ws even if it just be for the positive outcomes of me finding him being truthful. Wish I could just turn back time to when this all wasn't an issue ya know...like wake up from the nightmare

Hopeful85 posted 6/3/2013 20:50 PM

Thanks everyone for not making me feel alone in this. The benefit def outweighs the harm which is why I do come back. I am lazy by nature and this website and our counselor helps keep that in check by assuring me I should check up on ws even if it just be for the positive outcomes of me finding him being truthful. Wish I could just turn back time to when this all wasn't an issue ya know...like wake up from the nightmare

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