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WS do everything right and you still chose to leave?

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CatchyUsername posted 6/2/2013 23:22 PM

I am so curious to hear the stories of anybody whose WS did all the right things and yet you still chose to end the marriage.

Lakeside posted 6/2/2013 23:55 PM

I read something in one of the self-help books that talked about dropping some food on the floor; if it was hard candy, you'd dust it off and still consider it good. If it was something like a piece of fried fish, you'd call it spoiled and chuck it.

Sometimes, after someone betrays you and your trust, and lies to you, and cheats on you, and makes you feel completely worthless, they become a spoiled piece of fish to you - no matter what good they do after that, they'll never be able to redeem themselves to you because they've done too much bad.

I still don't know if my husband is spoiled to me or not yet. I'm having a hard time reconciling the man he was that I read about in all the emails and PMs between him and numerous women, or if he's the guy who regrets everything, wants to make it all right now, and is doing everything he can to fix things.

LadyQ posted 6/3/2013 06:25 AM

Sometimes an affair is a deal breaker. And that's OK. In my situation, it was really the continued lies and deception that killed it, but when I look back, I don't think I could have remained married to some one who so disrespected me. That's not to say I expect perfection, nor do I give it, I've made my share of mistakes. But this was disrespect at such a basic level. This should not have been complicated: keep your dick in your pants.

I am one for whom an affair was a deal breaker. It was a difficult decision at first. I had to get past mom guilt, kid guilt, God guilt, societal guilt. But when it came down to it, my self-worth was more important than the guilt. I had to be able to look myself in the mirror every morning. I had to be able to say "I did what was best, I did the right thing". At some point others expectations had to take a back seat to saving my own life and soul.

You are very early in this. Please take care of yourself and give yourself some time to figure this all out.

m334455 posted 6/3/2013 08:55 AM

Well, they obviously didn't do ALL the right things. Look, we all know that some things are so bad that you can't take them back -- and it's hard to make up for those things too.

TrustGone posted 6/3/2013 09:43 AM

Sometimes the damage they do is not repairable. Even though my WH#2 is somewhat trying, it has done nothing to get rid of my pain from his LTA. I am getting to the point that I was at in my 1st marriage to XWH#1 when I asked for a D and then went through with it. I am not happy in this marriage anymore and I know it. Walking away will be the hardest thing I will ever do, but I see it in my future.

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