I'm sorry, Abby.
This is what DD, baby to be and I are going through right now, too. It's all so much and I go through periods of either massive information flooding my brain or it feels empty. Do you have that happen when things get overwhelming?
We sound very similar, where I have very, very little cash. I had to borrow money for the lawyer and he needs more and some other things are happening as "consequences" of what Perv did that, as you say, is affecting us all.
Power of the mind only goes so far and sometimes we can't hold it all in, no matter how good our skills are.
When I get overwhelmed with anxiety or sadness, I just let DD know. If it's a really bad spell, I tell her and go in the other room til the biggest part abates and then sometimes I just squeeze her. And when I can talk again, I tell my feelings in a very simple way.
Her family is soooo diverse that I want her to grow up-if I can and she can-not fearing feelings, do you know what I mean? The consensus of relatives is to go in another room and be by yourself when you are sad, but I am a social person when I am sad and hate being alone then.
I also want her to see that these feelings are okay to be allowed and not denied and they will go by if they are allowed. Does that make any sense?
Some people we know simply do not allow display of feelings and for other people it's too overwhelming. I figure there must be a "middle" and that's what I want to make happen for us.
Also, the teenage years are coming in only a few years, as you have happening now, and I imagine they will be hard enough and full of enough secrets as it is?
And, if Perv and Grandpa rapidly exit rooms all the time and are constantly running away from DD, I feel like she needs someone stable.
I want her to see that we can get to the other side and go on.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.