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turmoil of selling marital home

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abigailadams posted 6/3/2013 00:04 AM

The first open house was today. I had been imagining that once we were in contract to sell, I could make an offer on a new place for me and my DD to live. While I will have a good amount of equity coming out of this place, I don't have any cash. I realized today that I won't have the 10% to put down to go into contract until we close on this place. this means that me and my DD will have to rent for a period in between. I was thinking we could be settled by September but now it is more like Thanksgiving. with having to put our stuff into storage and all of that. When I realized this, my heart sank and I almost started to cry.

I had been having a lovely evening with DD. She is like a sponge. She could pick up my mood change in a second and threw a fit.

This post is really about two things, my anger at what stbx is putting us through and then how bad I feel when DD picks up on how bad I feel. I can't control that her father left us for his flamenco dance teacher and I can only control my emotions sometimes. I try to hold it together for her but sometimes I just can't.

Nature_Girl posted 6/3/2013 00:19 AM

I can't always hide my emotions from my kids, either. I try, of course. But when things get the best of me I make sure that they know I will be okay, I'm not crying about them, they didn't cause my tears, I just have more feelings inside than I can hold. I try to let them see a glimpse of strength in the tears so they can have a positive role model that yes, adults do get overwhelmed, but we think things out & keep working on our problems. I bet your DD is getting the same message from you, too.

Phoenix1 posted 6/3/2013 00:38 AM

Once you have a contract on your house you may be able to make an offer on a different house with a contingency of the sale of your first house. That is very common and many sellers are very agreeable to that. Something to consider.

I hear you on the emotions with your kids. I do my best and hold together unless my oldest starts asking about really heartbreaking things. I am nervous about when my son comes home from Afghanistan in a few months. He knows nothing about any of this, and he is momma's boy. I may fall apart....

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:41 AM, June 3rd (Monday)]

Ashland13 posted 6/3/2013 13:05 PM

I'm sorry, Abby.

This is what DD, baby to be and I are going through right now, too. It's all so much and I go through periods of either massive information flooding my brain or it feels empty. Do you have that happen when things get overwhelming?

We sound very similar, where I have very, very little cash. I had to borrow money for the lawyer and he needs more and some other things are happening as "consequences" of what Perv did that, as you say, is affecting us all.

Power of the mind only goes so far and sometimes we can't hold it all in, no matter how good our skills are.

When I get overwhelmed with anxiety or sadness, I just let DD know. If it's a really bad spell, I tell her and go in the other room til the biggest part abates and then sometimes I just squeeze her. And when I can talk again, I tell my feelings in a very simple way.

Her family is soooo diverse that I want her to grow up-if I can and she can-not fearing feelings, do you know what I mean? The consensus of relatives is to go in another room and be by yourself when you are sad, but I am a social person when I am sad and hate being alone then.

I also want her to see that these feelings are okay to be allowed and not denied and they will go by if they are allowed. Does that make any sense?

Some people we know simply do not allow display of feelings and for other people it's too overwhelming. I figure there must be a "middle" and that's what I want to make happen for us.

Also, the teenage years are coming in only a few years, as you have happening now, and I imagine they will be hard enough and full of enough secrets as it is?

And, if Perv and Grandpa rapidly exit rooms all the time and are constantly running away from DD, I feel like she needs someone stable.

I want her to see that we can get to the other side and go on.

abigailadams posted 6/3/2013 17:00 PM

Thanks to all of you for your responses. I do want to model for her that people have emotions and it is good to express them but I also don't want to scare her. She must have been a bit worried about me last night as this morning she wanted to make me breakfast in bed which means we work together in the kitchen, I go upstairs and pretend to be sleeping and she brings in the food to surprise me. I love that child more than I can say.

FieldsOfLavender posted 6/3/2013 23:04 PM

she wanted to make me breakfast in bed which means we work together in the kitchen, I go upstairs and pretend to be sleeping and she brings in the food to surprise me

This is very cute. Moments like these are what her childhood will be filled with and stay with her.

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