The only caution I ever offer to anyone dealing with whether to tell others is this.... tell only those who will be supportive of your decisions whether you D or R. You don't need anyone chirping in your ear telling you to leave... or inversely, telling you to stay if you want out. So, chose who you tell wisely, but Mom's are almost always a good bet. She will quietly hate him for what he's done, but she'll love you enough to allow you to sort through this on your own. HUGS
P.S. Telling his family is on him, but I think considering his MIL, if he wants to tell them, he needs to do it with you there and be held to the absolute truth. He needs to own this and stress to them that you in no way are to blame for his selfishness... and ask them to be supportive of both of you working through this. I have dealt with a difficult MIL.
[This message edited by CryingGreenEyes at 7:28 AM, June 3rd (Monday)]
Um..why? Who said anything about infidelity and the fallout is fair?
No. If you want to tell your mom and you need her support..tell her.
If MIL will not be supportive,and will use this as gossip or whatever,then there is NO reason to tell her. It will not be helpful or healing..it will make it harder,and R is hard enough.
I wonder...surely he is aware of how is mother is and how she will react...maybe he is saying his family has to be told if you tell your mom,as a way to manipulate you into not telling your mom?
[This message edited by confused615 at 9:50 AM, June 3rd (Monday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I also don't see why he needs to be there during your conversation with your mom. As the person who has done the wrong, he makes an awful lot of demands. If he wants to apologize to her that's fine, but he should also give you two some time alone to talk.
It's not fair for him to indirectly isolate you from the emotional support you could receive from your mom. Remember, HE is the transgressor here and YOU are the injured party. As such, you have every right to reach out for support to someone you trust, someone you know has enough discretion not to gossip about you or talk bad behind your back.
Being able to get the emotional support you need should not come at the required cost of adding new hurt to the situation, in the form of judgement from your in laws. I feel like because he hurt you, your WH's attitude should be that he wants you to have anything you need to heal, and he doesn't want to add to your pain in any way.
My situation is not the same as yours, but I have only told one person, someone I trust completely, and even with her I haven't told nearly everything. It makes total sense to be cautious of who you tell, and to want to know for certain that anyone you do confide in will have the discretion not to go talking about your private matters with others behind your back.
I hope you talk to your mom and get the support you need, and I hope things improve for you! Hugs!
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.