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Newest Member: FrustratedJoker (61483)

User Topic: need another opinion..
♂ 39413
Member # 39413
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs and blessings to all...
I just posted this last week on JFO, however I do need other opinions whether R is possible in these circumstances.. I may be asking this due to the fear of staying alone or because I genuinely loved her and still care a great deal for her and do not want to see her in remorse for long.. what do you guys think..
Hello everyone, I feel a little better once I read about everyone's stories here, i wish courage and happiness upon all, mine may not be a long relationship, still hurts like hell. I was dating this girl for 2 years, and since the last 6 months She was having an affair, both physical and emotional ( though she claims she did not sleep with him) I found out about it through her messenger and in 4 hours my world came crashing down. I confronted her and left ( we live in different cities) since then she has been begging for forgiveness ( its been a week) but the pictures of them together keeps coming into my head.. i was ready to settle down with this one and we were perfect but this has made me doubt everything i liked about her. She would actually be texting him when we were on a date. The other guy was very disrespectful, kept asking for sex but she d turn him down, however never rebuked him and kept asking for his company.. I dont know what would ve happened if this had escalated without me finding out..
1) How long shd i wait to decide what to do?
2) will i ever fall in love with her again, I still care for her?
3) Its easy to say dump her but harder to do..
4) Should I meet her and if yes, what questions should i ask, I have spent enough time crying over this and dont want to do that again..
5) shd we be in touch ??
Missed a fact: she ll be moving to the opposite coast of the country for 3 yrsso we will have a long distance if it works out.. i am a forgiving person but forgetting seems so much harder..

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My opinion is the same as it was last week. LDR are hard enough without the added crap of infedelity. You are young and single without children. If she cheated on you when you were around, she will cheat on you when she is isn't. It's that simple. Why would you want someone like that? Get out of the relationship now, go NC, and get on with your life with the new knowledge to never totally trust anyone but yourself. She is not worth wasting your time with. She has some major issues that she needs to work on or she will continue to make bad choices.

BS-55 XWH#2-No longer my monkey
M-11yrs LTA-5yrs Divorced 8/15
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

Posts: 9016 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 38732
Member # 38732
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could not marry someone like that in hopes that they would change. I'm not even sure that if we didn't have children together that I'd be interested in trying to R with my WH. That's just my feeling.

Me: 37 BS
Him: 38 WH
M: 11 years, T: 17
2 boys
DDay: 3/11/13
Status: In MC/R, Retrouvaille graduates

I'm not what I ought to be. I'm not what I want to be. I'm not what I hope to be. But thank God, I'm not what I used to be.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Limbo
♀ 35799
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well if it were me in your situation I would run and not look back. But it's not - you need to decide for yourself.

I'm thinking that at only 2 years and she cheats already - wow!

This is a relationship without the added stresses of kids, a mortgage, sickness and the ups and downs of a long term relationship.

Is she sorry she got caught or sorry for what she has done?

Besides the begging what has she done to show that she is prepared to put you and your relationship first?

Organised IC for herself?

Talked about relationship counselling?

Looked for books to read to help rebuild you guys?

Offered you access to all her phone and email records?

Given you a timeline?

Told you everything?

Gone no contact with this guy?

Infidelity really hurts, I'm a forgiving person too - but it is not the forgiving I struggle with. It is trying to learn to live with the reality of my situation. Knowing my husband would deliberately deceive me and be physically intimate with someone else when he was married to me!

Over a year later this is where I struggle and then there is the trust issue.....

Trying to rebuild a relationship after an affair is hard work and it hurts every day!

Only you can decide what is best for you and if you think your girlfriend has it in her to put in the work that will be required.

Hugs - hang in there and take care of you!

On D-day:
BS 47 (me)
WH 51 - Toasted22
M 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24) at discovery.
D-Days 2012 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA once 2010

Posts: 915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: NZ
Topic Posts: 4

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