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Gps tracker. Legal or ethical?

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Shockedman posted 6/3/2013 06:47 AM

I live in PA. I bought a GPS tracker and am now sitting here looking at it thinking " If I have to so far as to plant a device on my WW car, is it even worth it?"

Is it legal to do so in PA? d-day was only about 2 weeks ago.WW is out of the house living at her parents, so now "I believe" enjoys even more freedom. Has not committed to NC either.

[This message edited by Shockedman at 6:47 AM, June 3rd (Monday)]

circlingthedrain posted 6/3/2013 06:59 AM

is your name on the title?

RoadtoPeace posted 6/3/2013 06:59 AM

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My only advice is to think a bit more before you jump into tracking your ww. If she has not committed to NC then what would the tracking do other than cause you more grief. I would think the tracker would make sense if you needed to verify her commitment to NC.

As to your bigger question of whether
It is worth it, I am afraid I don't have the answer. It is a question I am asking myself as my WH deeply wants to R but I don't have the energy to start spying all over again. It takes a heavy toll.

LonelyHusband posted 6/3/2013 07:02 AM

WW is out of the house living at her parents, so now "I believe" enjoys even more freedom. Has not committed to NC either.

So why track her? You KNOW she's going to be with the OM.

It's definitely worth it if your WS is committed to NC or claims to be. Then you can verify what they are telling is true. This is very powerful. Each time you hear nothing is a little victory, a tiny piece of relief. Each time you hear nothing you know your WS is telling the truth. Over time this helps build confidence and incredibly enough even some trust.

the reason I caution you is that if she has NOT committed to NC then you WOULD hear something. Each time you DO hear something you die a little inside. and you cannot un-ring that bell.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 7:03 AM, June 3rd (Monday)]

Shockedman posted 6/3/2013 07:20 AM

My name is on the title. Her car is in both our names. My car is in just my name.

CryingGreenEyes posted 6/3/2013 07:39 AM

You can do whatever you want to your own property! And if the GPS will give you the answers you are unable to get from her, then do what you need to do. If we can't depend on them to give us the absolute truth, then we have to find it ourselves. Don't feel guilty, you need answers, you deserve answers and if this his how you have to get them, do it! HUGS

Bigger posted 6/3/2013 07:55 AM

Once again Shocked (and this time for the last time – I promise) I‘m going to ask you what the purpose is for the intended MC sessions.
You told me you had kicked her out and therefore implied my suggestion wasn’t applicable to your situation. It’s not really clear whether she wants to reconcile, you want to reconcile or if there is any intent in either of you to reconcile.

If we take aside the legal and moral issues regarding GPS tracking then the above issue becomes valid in determining WHY you should track her. If either of you has no wish or will to reconcile then what she’s doing and where she is doing it isn’t really relevant. If she wants to be in an affair then you possibly wanting to reconcile isn’t even factoring in the equation. It’s a bit like not wanting your house to be on fire won’t extinguish a blaze.
So once again I suggest you tell her that she’s free to do whatever she wants, but not as your wife.
If she wants to reconcile she has to tell you so on her own free will, she has to convince you and assure the affair is over. Until she does and unless she does so then you simply assume she’s checked out of the marriage and act accordingly. Do this and all of a sudden YOU have all the power. Instead of trying to discover what she’s up to you simply KNOW she’s still active in infidelity.

Back to the legal issues: Since you are separated I doubt that placing a tracker in her car is legal. I am 99% certain that doing so without her knowledge dismisses any legal value of any information gained from tracking her. If you were to track her I would keep the following in mind:
The info should be used for personal non-legal purposes. For example: If infidelity was to factor in divorce then tracking her would enable you to tell a PI where you expect her to be at certain times. This in turn will save you time and money, but you could neither tell the PI nor a court how you know where to find her.
The name on the deed is a non-issue. If the car was bought with money earned when married then in most states its joint property irrespective of the name. However – if it’s a car she uses mainly then adding a tracker without her knowledge would probably not be allowed. If she is driving a car you mainly used then the tracker might be OK.
This can backfire dramatically. If the tracker is found and traced back to you this will be used in court in a negative way for you.

Having said all the above I did use a tracker on my wife’s car when I suspected her of infidelity. However it was a car we both used equally and the “tracker” was simply a hand-held gps that could have “accidentally” been left turned on.

getting_stronger posted 6/3/2013 09:30 AM

I would do it. This coming from the person who updated "find my iPhone" a million times yesterday though.

solus sto posted 6/3/2013 11:33 AM

If she wants to reconcile she has to tell you so on her own free will, she has to convince you and assure the affair is over. Until she does and unless she does so then you simply assume she’s checked out of the marriage and act accordingly. Do this and all of a sudden YOU have all the power. Instead of trying to discover what she’s up to you simply KNOW she’s still active in infidelity.

Please read this passage, over and over---really assimilate its message.

I wish I had.

Truly, until and unless your wife tells you she is committed to reconciliation---and becomes transparent, willingly offering what you need to feel safe with her as you work together to repair the damage to the marriage (while she works independently to find her whys, to repair what is broken within her)---you do not have a marriage.

With that understanding, what is the point of gathering information about her activities and whereabouts?

Gently, it's time to focus on your own well-being. This will not promote your healing. Instead, why not work on a solid 180? There are thousands of SI members who would tell you, "If I had to do it all over again, I would have started the 180 immediately."

In PA, adultery is grounds for a fault divorce, and evidence of adultery may be used to determine whether alimony is granted.

HOWEVER, there are really strict guidelines about what constitutes appropriate evidence. GPS monitoring would not provide this evidence. An attorney will help you determine whether you can establish a case that impacts any alimony to which your WS may be entitled (it's not a given, and the bar for proving adultery is high), and suggest legal methods of obtaining any evidence necessary to do so.

Gently, though, this focus is interfering with what you must do to move forward constructively.

Certainly, protect yourself legally.

But allow yourself to start processing what is really going on. At this point, gathering intel on your wife is a fool's errand. There is nothing to be gained, and it prolongs your injury.

Until and unless she commits to R, and agrees to transparency---or your divorce attorney instructs otherwise----why not focus on activities that help you heal?

hathnofury posted 6/3/2013 12:20 PM

Hugs. You've gotten a lot of good advice. I just wanted to add for you and others in your sitch, just because their car or their cell phone is in your name, does not necessarily mean you are legally entitled to track it. Same for keylogging computers, even if you bought it. Every state has different laws about it. Some states won't even allow you to secretly record conversations in your own home. I would check with a lawyer about any snooping about what is legal to even do for your own knowledge, and what can be submitted it court as evidence, before I'd proceed.

1Faith posted 6/3/2013 14:48 PM

You have received great advice.

I would just ask WHY?

At this point you know she cheated. Can't undo that.

You will then spend time and energy tracking her to either confirm she is or isn't with him? How will you know? You will only know where the car is.

It will only add another thing to your to do list and prolong the healing because you will be constantly looking for something.

If she won't do the NC you have enough answers for now to continue YOUR path forward.

I say it's not worth your time or energy. It won't prevent her from cheating if she is so inclined.

Sorry...just my 2 cents

UndecidedinMA posted 6/3/2013 14:55 PM

I did it and his car is not in my name at all.

I only did it after he promised NC, and we decided to R. It was then a case of trust but verify. I only did it for 3 months then I actually told him about it. He was hurt, a bit angry but after calm discussion he understood.

I actually put a VAR in there too.

I was lucky he was as promised NC.

1Faith posted 6/3/2013 14:58 PM

Undecided

You stated you were lucky NC...

I say HE was lucky NC....

UndecidedinMA posted 6/3/2013 16:21 PM

Faith & don't he know it

nofool4u posted 6/3/2013 16:25 PM

GPS tracker is perfectly legal to put on your WS's car, because it is your car too.

If your name is on the title, you can put whatever you want on it.

Shockedman posted 6/3/2013 16:43 PM

thanks for your kind and wise advice. i am not going to use it. as many said, whats the point. she will not commit to NC, she said she is not in contact with him and wont sign anything unless they are divorce papers. i am not going to beg a cheater to fight for me or us when she is clearly keeping her options open. focusing on myself. starting a tai chi class tomorrow and attending a healing mass wed. thurs is therapy. if you look at my other "help" thread you will see a bit more about todays drama....

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