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Newest Member: LonelyandUnsure

General :
I'm OK but...

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 idiot85 (original poster member #38934) posted at 3:33 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013

I could do with a bit of a pick me up.

I have lots to be happy about- baby on the way- puppy at home- kids amazing- wife trying really hard and battling her own shit- I'm supporting her and looking after the puppy- got a great new client at work so going to get some cash- it's even a beautiful sunny day...

All would be perfect if I could stop having mind movies- I had them falling asleep last night- had a bad dream- pushed through this morning- trying to get them out my head but here they are fresh as a effing daisy.

I've been thinking about how her face looks when she's drunk and high- even though she hasn't been for ages- that makes me feel anxious inside- then I think of what she did/said/felt with them guys- how she behaved- leading them off- unbuckling- it's really awful and I don't want to think about it. I want to think about how she looked beautiful this morning and how she was all cuddly and sweet last night and probably most importantly how 'with it' she's been for a while now even though it's made her feel so poorly.

Why can't I just think of the nice things?! I know, I know, time.

I feel a bit better after typing it out though- sorry peeps- I'll stop grumbling!!

BH-32 (me)
WW-31

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.

posts: 605   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Old Blighty
id 6359598
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Pass ( member #38122) posted at 5:35 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013

Grumble on, dude. By all outward appearances, I should be happy now too: Nice apartment; work is picking up; great time with my kids every weekend; great time with my music every week; friends have circled the wagons around me; family is supportive.

But I can't stop thinking about my wife banging this new guy. I used to have sole access to her smoking hot body, and now I have to go through each day knowing that this other guy is experiencing her in the way that only I was supposed to for the rest of my life.

It sucks, and you are allowed to wallow in the bad feelings for a while. Try to move past them, for sure, but don't think there is anything wrong with you for feeling them!

Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.

posts: 3785   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6359785
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IslandGirl18 ( member #36781) posted at 6:16 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013

I'm with you. I wish I could have my memory erased. I am glad I finally found out, but I wish I never knew. I miss the person I used to be. I don't know how to get rid of the mind movies. I HATE the triggers. Some days I feel great. I have actually felt happy, truly happy. But then...you know. I get so overwhelmed with knowing that my husband betrayed me like he did and I just cannot stop crying. I desperately want to stop feeling like this.

me: BS
him: WS

D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012

Divorced

posts: 107   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2012
id 6359824
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