I'm really sorry, Thorston.
FWIW, I did some very similar things as you are doing, with trying to be patient and "give space".
My gut reaction to your writings about WW"s actions don't make me feel warm and fuzzy, rather concerned that her actions are not M related. But that's just me and maybe more SI'ers will have somethings to say.
My other reaction is to find it really interesting that you've met someone yourself. Maybe that's a sign that it's time to move along in your life and find out what's out there for you?
The actions your WW is doing lend themselves to further separating from you and to me a calander type of thing is another cut-off or type of creating further distance, rather than working toward M.
I found that I struggled horrible when I realized what I had to do (file) and saying anything to Perv about things I inteded just kind of shot me in the foot.
What's hard for me is I am an open-book person, there is nothing covert about me and I am being forced to learn it and very quickly.
Your WW sounds like she's being covert as well, and that never bodes well for communication, which is needed for M, in my humble opinion.
I am of the same thinking, in that I won't touch another "relationship" in my current physical condition (pregnant and stranded by Perv) and I won't even touch a dating site until D is long over, no matter how lonesome or "needy" I feel.
I don't think it's worth it, esp. considering the damaging things he's already trying to do and already accused me of that can be proven and simply are not true.
I also find small comfort in being alone, because I realize that I can! Though I miss some things about a "relationship", I'm so damaged by Perv that I can't even fathom attempting it, though I have felt my head turn once in a great while out in public (lol).
I wish you well, I wish you luck and I wish you peace in your search for answers. There doesn't seem to be a physical time limit, except for what our hearts and minds can handle/tolerate and I'm also glad to read that you have those standards.
Again, I don't think I would tell her anything you intend to do, but perhaps interviewing a few lawyers would be something active and some information to collect.
If you demand an answer and put a time limit on it, my experience is that it will be likely to backfire.
I think its up to you to tell her if you decide to file. I told Perv I was "considering it", so he could know that I was pretty done being a doormat or fence post.
It sounds kind of like you might be ready for d. But it's not easy to face and I'm sorry.
I hope anything I wrote helped.