It sounds like she just wants to avoid it and pretend like it never happened. That's not how your R a marriage. It take communication and a lot of it, not matter how much it hurts. She broke her vows, it's not about what she wants, it's about what you need to move forward so you both can heal.
I'm sorry she won't try IC, it sounds like she could benefit from it. Just because she had a bad experience at one point doesn't mean that all therapy sessions will be that way.
I'm sorry you're hurting today (((HUGS)))