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Michael73 posted 6/3/2013 13:16 PM

I was about to post on Getting to Happy's 3 year post but as I started to write too much and felt I would b hijacking her post. So here it is..

I'm at 3 1/2 years. My visit here and posting just goes to show how much it is still a part of who I am now. I still fear the unknown. Still fear all the unanswered questions. Still fear the lack of any work that will truly helped our marriage.
If another d-day comes my way I wouldn't be entirely surprised anymore. I know that this has affected me in a way I wish it didn't. I still have panic attacks for it.
I've tried more times than I care to say, to get her to understand what I need to feel safe again. And every time it's been empty promises in return. I've lost that in love feeling. I've accepted that this is the way it will be.
I know that some say dwelling on it, visiting these sites, contribute to an emotional swelling. But I know that when I'm having a bad day I can only turn to myself for help with it.
For MC she has expressed many time she just can't do it. Than when I tell her she needs to do something she says she will make an appointment to do IC which she never does.
When I tell her how her empty promises and never willing to talk about it affects me she turns it into "I have to deal with it every day of my life as well". She says she cant do IC because of a bad experience with counselling when she was a child. "Abused as a child"
Her affair was selfish, her version of "R" seems to be just as selfish.

simplydevastated posted 6/3/2013 13:24 PM

It sounds like she just wants to avoid it and pretend like it never happened. That's not how your R a marriage. It take communication and a lot of it, not matter how much it hurts. She broke her vows, it's not about what she wants, it's about what you need to move forward so you both can heal.

I'm sorry she won't try IC, it sounds like she could benefit from it. Just because she had a bad experience at one point doesn't mean that all therapy sessions will be that way.

I'm sorry you're hurting today (((HUGS)))