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Who the eff do they think they are....

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karmahappens posted 6/3/2013 13:33 PM

So my son is having a baby. Bad timing, but babies are great so there is a silver lining...

He also has been on probabtion for 4 years because of a pot offense that he failed to clear up...long story.

When he originally got into trouble we helped, financially and emotionally. As the years progressed we stopped and let him know we could no longer accept his choices and he needs to walk on his own two feet...blah blah blah...usual parent stuff. We probably helped more than we should, but whatever...

So now baby is coming and he AGAIN has not addressed the $$ he owes to probation so next month if he doesn't pay it's hello jail time.

It makes me sad, makes me sick, I hurt for the fact that he continues to believe everyone has done him wrong. I pray and hope one day he will "get it"....there is a baby coming damn it.

So today my in-laws call me to tag team me and let me know if I don't pay these court fees then I will be guilty of not letting the baby know his/her dad.That I will be at fault if he misses the first year of the baby's life.


So I asked my FIL when was I supposed to say when...when is it his responsibility to stand on his own. And he said I was now responsible for the well being of this baby and I need to do the right thing.

I told him I disgreed and he has never walked in my shoes so until he does he should not judge.

I then told him I had to get off the phone...I think he was still talking when I hung up.


Am I off base? I don't think I am. It is so hard to let your kids fall on their face, but I don't need to be damned for doing what I think is right.


Sorry, vent over.

nowiknow23 posted 6/3/2013 13:42 PM

((((karma)))) Totally out of line, but you already know that.

You're doing the right thing. He has to take ownership of his own life, responsibilities, and consequences. Big hugs.

simplydevastated posted 6/3/2013 13:43 PM

And he said I was now responsible for the well being of this baby and I need to do the right thing.

Um...A HUGE No F'ing way!

Your son and the baby's mother are the ones responsible for the baby's well being. Not you. You're the grandmother and will be there as a grandmother should be, but you are not financially responsible for this baby, your sons court fees, or anything else. Your FIL is way off base here.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

GabyBaby posted 6/3/2013 13:46 PM

Karma, your inlaws are completely out of line.

Your son is an adult. He did the crime, the penalty is HIS to pay, not yours. As Judge Judy says, if you pay the fine, where's the punishment for him?

Please don't bail him out yet again. It will never end and he will never grow up if you continue to do so. Good for you on telling inlaws the truth- that your SON is responsible for this (and the possibility of not seeing his child if he fails to pay the fines).

authenticnow posted 6/3/2013 13:51 PM


I know how much work it is to get to the place you're in now regarding your DS. You don't have to answer to these people and their judgment of you means nothing.

Tell them that before they judge, they should clean up their own house. Or tell them nothing, and be comfortable in the fact that you have done what you know is right for your DS all these years, and will continue to do so.

karmahappens posted 6/3/2013 13:58 PM

I know I am right, but really....

MIL just called me back. I didn't let her speak. I told her he is an adult and my husband and I have decided we need to stand strong together about this decision. It kills us but I cannot enable his behavior.These actions are his.

Thanks everyone, I know it's the right choice but sometimes having to fight the entire family is too much.

Christ I might need to 180 them lol...

authenticnow posted 6/3/2013 14:00 PM

What the hell! 180 everybody! Maybe it's the only way anybody can get any peace these days .

Sending strength and hugs.

GabyBaby posted 6/3/2013 14:01 PM

Another thought occurred to me:

And he said I was now responsible for the well being of this baby and I need to do the right thing.

They're the grandparents too, so according to their way of thinking, the baby's well being is their responsibility as well...yet they aren't forking over any cash to pay for fines. Hmmm...maybe they dont think its THEIR responsibility?!

karmahappens posted 6/3/2013 14:19 PM

LOL AN...I agree, I think everyone is wack-o

Gaby, they actually originally wanted me to tell them what is going on because my son went over to tell them about the baby...and cry on their shoulder (he is making the rounds..hoping to hit a jackpot with someone's sympathies)

I told them I could not discuss my son's legal issues with them because they are not my issues and I would not talk about him behind his back. They can talk to him. Thats when he spouted off about a baby and we are all family and I am going to have to carry the guilt ...but we dont talk unless there is a disaster. We are hardly "family".

I try to make all of my decisions with my head because I still struggle internally with "doing what's right" if I were to follow my heart, I could make myself crazy.

I just would like them to mind their own fucking business....assholes.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 2:20 PM, June 3rd (Monday)]

poopylala posted 6/3/2013 15:23 PM

Gaby said exactly what I was thinking- if your responsibility is to the baby and they share the same position as y'all, by their logic they are equally as responsible.

Just wait until they help him with a financial issue ONE TIME and I guarantee they will regret it after because they will see he hasn't learned and they were used.

SoVerySadNow posted 6/3/2013 15:28 PM

If they (other parents) become enablers, this new young family will be all kinds of messed up-IMHO.
If your DS is able to take on the responsibility of having a family, then he needs to man-up on all fronts.
They have no idea.
But you did, and are doing, the right thing.

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