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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

User Topic: Who the eff do they think they are....
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my son is having a baby. Bad timing, but babies are great so there is a silver lining...

He also has been on probabtion for 4 years because of a pot offense that he failed to clear up...long story.

When he originally got into trouble we helped, financially and emotionally. As the years progressed we stopped and let him know we could no longer accept his choices and he needs to walk on his own two feet...blah blah blah...usual parent stuff. We probably helped more than we should, but whatever...

So now baby is coming and he AGAIN has not addressed the $$ he owes to probation so next month if he doesn't pay it's hello jail time.

It makes me sad, makes me sick, I hurt for the fact that he continues to believe everyone has done him wrong. I pray and hope one day he will "get it"....there is a baby coming damn it.

So today my in-laws call me to tag team me and let me know if I don't pay these court fees then I will be guilty of not letting the baby know his/her dad.That I will be at fault if he misses the first year of the baby's life.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

So I asked my FIL when was I supposed to say when...when is it his responsibility to stand on his own. And he said I was now responsible for the well being of this baby and I need to do the right thing.

I told him I disgreed and he has never walked in my shoes so until he does he should not judge.

I then told him I had to get off the phone...I think he was still talking when I hung up.

WTF WTF WTF

Am I off base? I don't think I am. It is so hard to let your kids fall on their face, but I don't need to be damned for doing what I think is right.

Fuckers!

Sorry, vent over.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((karma)))) Totally out of line, but you already know that.

You're doing the right thing. He has to take ownership of his own life, responsibilities, and consequences. Big hugs.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26192 | Registered: Aug 2011
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And he said I was now responsible for the well being of this baby and I need to do the right thing.

Um...A HUGE No F'ing way!

Your son and the baby's mother are the ones responsible for the baby's well being. Not you. You're the grandmother and will be there as a grandmother should be, but you are not financially responsible for this baby, your sons court fees, or anything else. Your FIL is way off base here.

I'm sorry you're going through this.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Karma, your inlaws are completely out of line.

Your son is an adult. He did the crime, the penalty is HIS to pay, not yours. As Judge Judy says, if you pay the fine, where's the punishment for him?

Please don't bail him out yet again. It will never end and he will never grow up if you continue to do so. Good for you on telling inlaws the truth- that your SON is responsible for this (and the possibility of not seeing his child if he fails to pay the fines).


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6688 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Karma)))

I know how much work it is to get to the place you're in now regarding your DS. You don't have to answer to these people and their judgment of you means nothing.

Tell them that before they judge, they should clean up their own house. Or tell them nothing, and be comfortable in the fact that you have done what you know is right for your DS all these years, and will continue to do so.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38696 | Registered: Sep 2007
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I am right, but really....

MIL just called me back. I didn't let her speak. I told her he is an adult and my husband and I have decided we need to stand strong together about this decision. It kills us but I cannot enable his behavior.These actions are his.

Thanks everyone, I know it's the right choice but sometimes having to fight the entire family is too much.

Christ I might need to 180 them lol...


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What the hell! 180 everybody! Maybe it's the only way anybody can get any peace these days .

Sending strength and hugs.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38696 | Registered: Sep 2007
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another thought occurred to me:
And he said I was now responsible for the well being of this baby and I need to do the right thing.

They're the grandparents too, so according to their way of thinking, the baby's well being is their responsibility as well...yet they aren't forking over any cash to pay for fines. Hmmm...maybe they dont think its THEIR responsibility?!


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6688 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL AN...I agree, I think everyone is wack-o

Gaby, they actually originally wanted me to tell them what is going on because my son went over to tell them about the baby...and cry on their shoulder (he is making the rounds..hoping to hit a jackpot with someone's sympathies)

I told them I could not discuss my son's legal issues with them because they are not my issues and I would not talk about him behind his back. They can talk to him. Thats when he spouted off about a baby and we are all family and I am going to have to carry the guilt ...but we dont talk unless there is a disaster. We are hardly "family".

I try to make all of my decisions with my head because I still struggle internally with "doing what's right" if I were to follow my heart, I could make myself crazy.

I just would like them to mind their own fucking business....assholes.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 2:20 PM, June 3rd (Monday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
poopylala
♀ 30119
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gaby said exactly what I was thinking- if your responsibility is to the baby and they share the same position as y'all, by their logic they are equally as responsible.

Just wait until they help him with a financial issue ONE TIME and I guarantee they will regret it after because they will see he hasn't learned and they were used.


BGF (me)- 25
FWBF (him)- 24
Was in a LTR but it's complicated now

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 964 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
SoVerySadNow
♀ 36711
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If they (other parents) become enablers, this new young family will be all kinds of messed up-IMHO.
If your DS is able to take on the responsibility of having a family, then he needs to man-up on all fronts.
They have no idea.
But you did, and are doing, the right thing.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Topic Posts: 11

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