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ban meetings?

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sri624 posted 6/3/2013 14:22 PM

has anyone ever attended a BAN meeting? i am thinking about joining a local meeting in my area. i feel like i would like to talk with some other people going through the same person in addition to all the support i receive on si.

catlover50 posted 6/3/2013 14:43 PM

Can you tell me what ban is?

Lucky2HaveMe posted 6/3/2013 14:49 PM

Beyond Affairs Network

sudra posted 6/3/2013 14:49 PM

BAN is Beyond Affairs Network.

The local BAN group here meets monthly. I usually try to attend as I find it very helpful.

Deeply Scared posted 6/3/2013 14:50 PM

Here is a link from the Healing Library

sunshine226 posted 6/3/2013 15:02 PM

i really wish there was a ban group in my area, I have gain a lot of insight listening to the teleseminars on their website and also read the book Anne Bercht wrote

Yakamishi posted 6/3/2013 15:14 PM

I tried it, the only problem I had was it seemed to be made of people NOT in R. Just bitter people who got screwed over and left the marriage. Didn't give me alot of hope so I stopped going.

mepe27 posted 6/3/2013 16:57 PM

It really depends on who is running it. I ran a group where I live and it was all people in R and people that were divorcing always struggled in our group. I think it can be a valuable resource in recovery, I think it should be in addition to IC, not in place of b/c the people who run it are just other BS's, not therapists.
But being able to share my pain, share my story and everyone got it! THat was so needed. Friends/family all said "leave him, he's a jerk" I know they meant well but we all know it's so much more complicated than that and the other BS's at BAN got that.

I drove 2 hours to my first BAN meeting and it was worth it. Talk to the group leader prior to going and explain where you're at in your marriage and see if the group dynamic is a good fit, the leader can't change the group if it's leaning more one way or the other. So you just have to see if it works for you.

I would often talk with people separating individually and try to get them talking to each other, I also had some divorce support groups I would refer people to. But the same goes for those groups, if the leader is in a bad place it can lead the whole group down that path.
If you don't feel like the BAN group near you is a good fit for you perhaps down the road you could run a group, helping others helped me absolutly 100%. It was scary at first and I sort of fell into it by accident but it was worth it and I ended up handing it off to another BS that I think also really benefited from helping others.

still-living posted 6/3/2013 18:18 PM

I started attending two months ago. I am nearly 3 years from the last TT, and recovery is going well, and still I find it helpful. I was having trouble finding the new me, feeling a bit numb, and so I began attending. It's been helpful talking being able to talk face to face with real people. Our group is small and stories are mixed, not just divorced. It's not "the" solution, just part of the solution for me.

sri624 posted 6/4/2013 00:00 AM

thank you guys...i just sent an email to the local group leader asking for meeting time information. i hope i am contacted soon. i feel like i have talk this whole thing to death to family member and friends...and i know they care...but i can see in there eyes that they just want me to "let it go" if i am going to stay with him.

that is something that i desparately wish i could do. dont they know that i want that more than anything? so, i am hoping the in person support group will help me. i am also going to i will continue that. but a group setting is something that i really need.

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