After I realized this, I was talking to a friend that was on the deployment and suspected. I was telling him how I wanted to drop her off at the company the afternoon before they left, to spend the night, and she insisted on getting a ride with her squad leader, the OM. I wondered if something happened. My buddy told me, dude, nobody spent the night at the company before we left.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
I'm done with this and her.
So sorry the reality of this all is so terrible for you.
Is your w showing any remorse at all?
Staying of going is a personal choice and only one you can make. Follow your instincts and be kind to yourself. You will have to give yourself time to heal either way.
Be kind to yourself. You aren't a idiot you simply love and believe in your wife. That makes you honorable not an idiot.
Hang in there. The best is yet to be.
I hope you get all the legal help you need. They need to pay the consequences of this.
She lies and somehow you're at fault?
Nope. My friend, you're not the idiot. You're the guy who deserves better.
Just know that you don't have to go through this alone. We're all here to help in any way we can.
Post often, it helps.
We've all heard that statement. Married women don't have "friends" with men who aren't their husbands. Get the book other's have talked about. Not just friends I think it's called.
Did you get any help at JAG?
Are you drinking water?
It just sucks that it was happening right in front of my face. I even suspected and asked a couple times but it was always, we're just friends.
I was so naive that I thought my XH was a nice guy for "helping" MOW and being her friend. When I found the card she gave him on D-Day#1, there was no doubt who it was from.
Over the last three weeks those feelings are starting to change to lay all of the responsibility for the A with her. None with me. 50-50 on the marriage problems.
I think it's normal to question yourself at first. You sound like a decent, intelligent guy. It's probably just a matter of time before your mind accepts that you were tricked because you a good guy who loved and believed in your WW. She took advantage of that.
The other thing that's working for me is time and counseling. Even if you're planning to D, counseling helps you get answers.
Good luck and stay strong.
I did the same. Don't beat yourself up for trusting the person that you were supposed to be able to trust. You were on the old "if I ask you a question you'll tell the me truth" assumption which, outside the wacky world of infidelity, is now people are SUPPOSED to behave.
So just take care of yourself and don't knock yourself for missing signs, or signals. We take people at their word until they give us a reason not to, even if there are warning flags. That's trust - and it's what she has lost, not you.
[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 2:37 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]
I thought I was being so supportive and understanding by saying it was okay for him to go out on a bachelor party all night (there was no party), or it was okay to go golfing the satuday we were going to my family (no golfing). Yes we trust because we love.
Good work getting some legal help, do what you have to take care of yourself. Lawyers, some IC, eat, exercise, do what you can to keep healthy during this hard time.
Good luck, we are all with you
Turns out he drove to xOw2's home, picked her up and let her have the car during his deployment.
She was his last kiss before going to a war zone. I don't think he gets how heart wrenching that is, even now.
To have a WS with no remorse and to know your trust was used like that...that you watched your WW drive away with her "BF" and you were likely just grateful she was in a close squad, protected as much as she could be...
I'm so sorry for this new information. It is death by a thousand cuts, isn't it?
I'm glad you're getting legal help and I hope they have to face their choices!
he was his last kiss before going to a war zone. I don't think he gets how heart wrenching that is, even now.
It's possible that they stil had a detour on the way or stepped out while there but it's the first piece of somewhat good news since D-Day.
It doesn't really change anything, she still cheated on me last year on a deployment, our previously mentioned friend was an eyewitness, and when I confronted WW on D-Day, she just said, "I'm sorry, I was unhappy and he made me feel wanted"
Here's the confusing part.
When I then asked WW about what happened with her squad leader, she said nothing happened. I told her I didn't believe her and asked, "Did you kiss him", WW remained silent. "Did you have sex with him", WW remained silent. I said WW's name in a very hurt voice and she said "I'm sorry, it just happened"
I have no doubt that WW was having an emotional affair with the OP and I absolutely believe that they had sex but it's driving me crazy that she won't talk to me about it since I confronted her.
I talked to the GF of the OP and the OPGF relayed her conversation with WW after I told the OPGF. WW told OPGF that they did not have sex and when OPGF asked why did you admit it then to your husband, WW said "It was just easier to let him believe that we did"
What the hell sense does that make?
If you're willing to give her a chance rather than proceeding directly to D, I strongly recommend you demand a polygraph. In fact, if you think you can carry this through without backing down, I would simply schedule the poly for a time when you know she'll be home and give her very little notice that you expect her to take it. Don't ask her to set it up. Schedule it and let her know three days before it's scheduled. That's enough time for her to freak out, for you to stand your ground, for her to try and guilt trip or bluff you into cancelling it, for her to feed you a few more facts in hopes you'll be satisfied with them, and for her to divulge the entire truth as you're leaving to get to the appointment. Or, she'll try to beat the test and claim she was simply very nervous and that's what produced the results that look like she was lying. These two scenarios, by the way, are how the a poly for a WS typically plays out, based on what I've seen here at SI.