My fiance and I are are long distance engagement and in April he sent for me to visit him. While there his pet needed to be rushed to the vet and while at the hospital I noticed my fiancé texting. He lied about it when I confronted but while he was away I saw the texts from the AP and I called her and texted her letting her know I knew for sure. When my fiance returned from the vet, he admitted everything but said he didn't want to end it because I was not a guarantee but she was. I gave him that because for years I told him I might leave him. I long suspected he was cheating with her and I contacted her months before dday and she ignored me.
After I returned to my home state my fiancé said he ended the affair with the AP by email and we started planning to move forward. Then one day in early May I couldn't reach him for hours, so I called the AP's phone and heard him in the background talking. He later explained that he was helping her move and that was it. The next day he forwarded me copies of emails he supposedly sent to her ending things. After he sent them I texted the AP and told her that he sent them and she said that was a lie. Then she started saying he was begging her to take him back and I foolishly shared with her that I was hurt and broken and she called me a bitch and suddenly started erratically texting me calling my fiance names and saying she's better than and smarter than both my fiancé and I.
I stopped responding to the OW's texts because I was on jury duty and when I turned my phone on she'd texted me over 40 times telling me how much my fiancé sucks and how she never wants to see him again and how I'm stupid. Then she said " I bet he told you I asked him to marry me for my green card, well he asked me too, get your facts straight, haha." She seemed totally livid with him and bitt
Two days later my fiancé showed me an email she sent him, per our recovery agreement, where she was telling him to come meet her so he could pick up the tools he left over her house when he helped her move. He let me remote into his computer so that I could see him write her back telling her to keep the tools because he is committed to working on repairing things with me; I clicked send on the email to her.
So far my fiance has done the following voluntarily:
Deleted the email account she contacted him on
Changed his business phone number ( she only had that - not his actual cell number).
Taken the day off work and flown out to my state to meet with a therapist with me and paid the hundreds of dollars for the visit.
Telling me where he is at all times and putting me on speaker when he arrives so that I can hear for verification.
Put in for resignation at his job to move to where I am.
Told his 11 year old son that he made a mistake introducing another woman to him and that "dads are only allowed to have one girlfriend or wife" I am his future wife.
I worry she ended things with him and that he settled for me and could relapse. However, her trying to get him to meet her to pick up his tools makes me think he did dump her because she was trying to use them to see him again. He said he fell for that with him helping her move. Also, I know she's lying about the green card because if she asked him to marry her for it and he asked her to marry him too, then why didn't he marry her? Also if he wanted her like she said he did then why did he refuse to marry her in January and leave her facing deportation. She's still at risk of being deported. Surely a man in love with help with that.
Still I struggle with:
Will the affair resume and did he settle for me?
How do I stop feeling at a disadvantage for being in another state for the start of recovery?
How do I stop letting whatb the AP said get to me and trust my fiance for recovery?
[This message edited by anonymous823 at 4:26 PM, June 3rd (Monday)]