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Sucked back down the rabbit hole...

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Phoenix1 posted 6/4/2013 01:35 AM

I am facing a potentially serious health issue that is going to require more tests. I sent POS an email and basically told him a generic version of events and that I was kindly asking for only communication that was absolutely necessary as I just can't take anymore stress at the moment until I get through the next couple of weeks. About a half hour later goes by and my cell rings. His number comes in as private so I am never sure if it is him or not. Sure enough it was. This was the first time we have spoken since March when he left. He was the charming, thoughtful man I married. Asked me if I wanted him to come back so he could go thru this with me. I told him it wasn't necessary, but inside I was crying, "YES!" He said he wishes he was here to give me a big hug. His big ol' bear hugs were one of my favorite things and I started to cry because all I could think of was how much I need that hug right now. Then I could tell he was choking up as well (which he never does). He then said we will put everything with the D on hold until I find out for sure what is or is not going on with my health. That is fine as my "fight" mode is suffering at the moment. He also told me I could call him any time, day or night, even if I just needed to talk to someone. I got sucked right into the thoughtfulness and it was killing me. This is the same man that always sent me flowers at work for every occasion, gave me cards for everything, and was overall Prince Charming in so many ways. I know it is more like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hide, but boy it was nice to have the thoughtful and kind side of his personality for a change. It was almost my undoing. This is the man I wanted to grow old with...God this sucks!!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 1:36 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

tesla posted 6/4/2013 08:00 AM


Please, reach out to other people IRL that can support you as well through this difficult time.
Sending you healthy mojo that the tests come back ok.

SBB posted 6/4/2013 08:15 AM

30 years. I was only with him for 1/3 of that and I well remember how strong the urge was to reach out - and that was without facing anything as frightening as this.

After 30 years reaching out would be a reflex. Completely understandable.

I agree with Tesla - please find someone IRL to hold you through this. I am glad he is being kind but I worry about the effect of that kindness on you in the long term.

Sending you all the hugs you can stand.


debbysbaby posted 6/4/2013 11:54 AM

I wish you all the best on your health tests. Hope all is well!

On the other hand I wouldn't rely on him. You're just setting yourself up for a bigger fall, hon. Resist his charms. Remind yourself of who he WILL become again.

TrustGone posted 6/4/2013 12:22 PM

Yes, it is easy with guy's like him to get sucked back in. I know I am still dealing with one on a daily basis and it is so hard. I am also having health problems and know how easy it is to want to feel the comfort they provide. I have to remind myself on a daily basis of who he REALLY is and that when I was sick before he wasn't there for me. I was in ICU, almost dead, and he was shacking up with OW in MY HOME. I was so sick that I could barely move and he took OW on a vacation for a week and I had to fend for myself, get myself to the doctors, get my own Rx's, etc.. So, I completely understand where you are coming from. I hope that everything with your health turns out OK. Just don't depend on him. Keep telling yourself how he really is and what he did to you and NC. (((HUGS)))

nowiknow23 posted 6/4/2013 12:35 PM

((((Phoenix)))) Sending you tons of strength and comfort.

Pippy posted 6/4/2013 12:36 PM

Sending you mojo for good results.

I was m 30 years too and understand the loss of your best friend - at least we thought they were eh? They can be very charming but were also willing to betray us in the most devastating manner. You haven't spoken since March. Be sure you're not adding stress to your life. You don't need that now.

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