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so close to walking away

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Titanium posted 6/4/2013 02:12 AM

Things have been moving forward, very slowly but calmly. WH has been finally starting to put in an effort. Partly due to my 180 i think, i hope.

I am starting to see that he perhaps wont give me all that i need to heal after all he has done to me with 2 x broken NC, TT and all the blameshifting. He is being helpful but i dont think he is willing to change enough for us to really heal properly.

Our weekends seem to be filled with great sex and verynopen communication. Cant say the same for monday to friday......hmmmm!

Last friday afternoon he came home from work grabbed some tools raced out the doorbto go help a mate. He usually always takes our son so he gets out of the house for a bit but not this time. He was out for a while and phoned to me to say go and meet up with him at a friends house. So we did.

He was all over me. Couldnt pay enough attention. Sounds great hey.....but felt unusual to me. Monday comes, loving attention gone. I check the phone log. Tracked his friday phone activity and the call to me was made from a location that has never shown up before and just so happens to be the OW's new location that she has recently moved to.

I question him. He pretends that this location was much farther away then where it is.......we both know where this location is.......ah der! He said he wasnt there. Deny deny deny....

I him it was a coincidence that the same suburb came up that the OW now lives in. He said he didnt know this. God i hate this stuff. Things have been slowly mending.

He then tells me angrily that he now has to defend himself. I reminded him that i have nothing to go on so i can believe him because he has always lied and hidden everything from me. Even refused twice to not change his phone number. Now he says, in a tone, that he will change it if i want.........

TOO LATE i said.......3 times i asked. Told him THAT boat has sailed. Why is everything like pulling teeth. He doesnt want to be inconvenience with a number change......boo hoo!

Starts throwing shit at me like he's over hearing me bring up the A stuff again. Cant question him. Then tells me he has just spent the last 3 days giving me attention.......how ungrateful of me. Thought that was a 2 way street.......so took myself off to bed. Felt crook with a sore throat. He sat on arse, no dinner cooked for our son. Gets up this morning for work. I felt so ill. Tells me he is going straight from work to help a mate with his brakes.

No call through the day to see how i am feeling, perhaps maybe come home first seeing we had a vile disgusting argument last night......NUP!..........we have to sell our home because of him and the bank is ready and waiting. He does nothing to help get it on the market..........obliviousbto daily living.....

Feel used, feel like a covenience.....just want to feel special. I have given my all and he has wiped his feet on me. He is a man child that think great weekend sex is all it takes.

Pfffftttttt...........if this is as good as it gets?

Unagie posted 6/4/2013 05:19 AM

No, real R takes work all the time. It is a lifetime of giving it your all not a weekend job. You have a few red flags here as well that have me worried. Him not taking your son with him and breaking his routine, his location being the same as OW's new location, him not wanting to change his cell phone number, and his reaction to being questioned. Transparency is for life, the questioning is for life, if he doesn't get that then he's not really into R. It also sounds like he might be seeing OW. I'm sorry. Even if he's not, he's not taking care of your needs or the needs of your child. He can't even be a responsible father? I think you need to assess if this is really what you want, life can be better then this but not until you make a choice.

[This message edited by Unagie at 5:20 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

mepe27 posted 6/4/2013 10:27 AM

I have to agree this isn't R, this is him trying to get away with doing the bare minimum to keep you around, which isn't R.
My h and I had this for about 5 mos and I finally got to the point where I stopped asking myself do I want to work on my marriage or get D, I realized we weren't working on the marriage at all, my actual choice was do I want to be lied to and treated like crap or be divorced, those were my actual choices and suddenly divorce seemed more attractive.
H did eventually come out of the fog and actually cooperate in R and omg what a difference it was in him when he actually was trying.
From experience your H is not in R with you he's maintaining and doing the bare minimum and based on his blameshifting and trying to convince you that you are wrong he's also appears to be trying to continue some of his other behaviors, otherwise he wouldn't be so defensive in my experience.

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