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Going back to IC

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stronger08 posted 6/4/2013 05:24 AM

After 2 years of trying this NB shit. I've come to the conclusion that all I attract are women with issues. Either they have baggage or just are not ready for a relationship with me. My radar needs some fine tuning. I've had lots of near misses and have yet to find someone. I'm frigging lonely and while my life aside from romance is great. I just cant seem to make the right decisions in that department. Perhaps I'm expecting too much. Or it could be that I'm afraid of just enjoying the dating scene. Either way I feel its gotta be me. Maybe talking with someone might help. What the heck. It certainly cant hurt.

NaiveAgain posted 6/4/2013 06:10 AM

I think that is a great idea. I'm thinking of a "refresher" also as my PTSD is coming back on me a bit and I don't like it.

I seem to be making a bit healthier choices mate-wise but my new guy still has some issues. They aren't deal-breakers for me though, they are stuff we are working thru. I have issues of my own. Everyone I know has issues. I honestly don't know anyone, male or female, without some issues, quirks, or baggage. Even the teens I hang with at school have their own crop of issues they deal with.

It's funny, but I have tried so hard in the past to make relationships work when they just weren't 1st H, the psychopath, the bipolar SA, the alcoholic, and a few guys whose issues weren't quite so blaring but maybe had insecurities, strange quirks, etc.....

This one, it is really easy for us to be together. While we do work on the relationship it comes natural and we enjoy the deep talks. I think when it's right, it is right and it shouldn't feel so much like work.

Why do you think you are afraid to enjoy the dating scene? Does it just feel like a job interview or something? Can you go out and just enjoy yourself and have fun?

FinallyHappy posted 6/4/2013 06:15 AM

I think going back to IC would be a good idea, stronger.

It's been obvious (down through the years) that you're still very angry.

You were distracted whilst you bought and fixed-up your vacation place, but your 'picker' is still broken (or your expectations are totally out of line).

Quite frankly, I'm still not sure why after so many years, you are so pissed off about your XW's actions. I think that is what you need to address with your new IC?????

I know she was a bitch and cheated on you. It happens. Often. More often than not, actually.

If you are still angry about the settlement, I get it. But rarely does adultery affect the division of assets. Depends on the state.

Does any of this ring true? Or am I just talking out of my ass? If so, it wouldn't be the first time.


You'll be okay.

SBB posted 6/4/2013 06:47 AM

I'll definitely go back to IC - once I get my finances sorted and when I've had some time to absorb/implement what I have learned.

TBH I'm afraid that I'll only ever be attracted to and attract the Love Bombing kind of guy. My dad was one, most of my exes certainly were.

Its really the only kind of guy that has ever turned my head (there are a lot of them around BTW). I've actually wondered if like a drug addict that I've overdosed on that false level so anything not at that intensity won't even cause a ripple within me. I'll never feel the real thing.

Its a pattern I recognise and do now firmly put a stop to by cutting all ties but I can't fathom how I will ever replace this toxic attraction with something healthy.

I'm hoping the next stage of IC will help me work out how to be attracted to healthy things.

I know I'm not ready. I honestly don't think I ever will be.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 6:52 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

stronger08 posted 6/4/2013 11:42 AM

I don't think I'm actually angry at my XWW per se FH. I kind of put that anger to bed a few years ago. I know my posts do have an angry tone to them. And I do that purposely as I want the newer members to channel their anger into action. Anger can and is a great motivator. I do agree that at times I am angry at situations she creates. Mainly having to do with my son. She still loves to fuck with me and uses him as her means. And to be totally honest I find it very unfair that people like her can go through life destroying people and have no problem finding their next victim. And I'll also agree that the settlement still pisses me off. But not directly at her. I feel the laws in my state (NY) reward a WS for doing what they do. And trust she has used them to her advantage when it serves her. To the point of making false allegations and basically breaking the law itself. Yet nothing was/is ever done about that.

And as for looking for a SO I don't think I ever knew how to find a normal relationship to begin with. I spent my youth as a rowdy and fun loving guy. I dated many women and kind of thought of myself as some half assed ladies man. I actually let some quality women slip through my fingers with that stupid kind of thinking. Now that I'm an older and hopefully wiser man I'm rather clumsy going about this dating scene. I keep attracting myself towards women who are not ready or are broken themselves. That goes for that house I bought as well. It was broken and I was able to fix it. I have that mentality that I can fix broken. Know what I mean ? That thinking is spilling over into my love life and I know that is not healthy. So I/C it will be. I do want to thank you all for your support and advice. I'll keep you posted to my progress.

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