We've all seen it in the recon forum....about day dreaming about what it would be like with someone else...especially someone who wouldn't cheat. I think the difference for me at this point is that a month ago I would think that and get angry and ask the whys. Why couldn't you be the one? Why did you have to ruin that? All I wanted was you...why couldn't you listen to my pleas? However, now, I haven't got those angry feelings...not even sad. I know he can't be like that day dream. He not only has proven it, he has said so with his own mouth! But like this morning when I was dropping the oldest at school. I noticed a couple who always drop their kids off together. He always opens and closes the car door for her. And I started to think, wouldn't that be nice to be treated like that. Not in the women are weak kind of way. But with respect. Wouldn't it be nice to be with a man who does things for a woman because he is in love, wants only her, and wants to treat her like she is special because of who she is. And would know how to respect other women, on a different level of course, and also know how to differentiate how he should treat his wife vs. other women.
But I'm obviously wayyyyyyyyyy early in this separation/divorce process. And don't worry, I have no desire or want to go out and search for this man now. Just day dreaming, I just wonder if it is harmful even though I've detached. Should I be hyper focused on the situation at hand?
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
If you were dreaming about someone "saving" you and making you feel all better about everything and taking all your pain away, I don't think that would be healthy. I'm going to try very hard to make my next relationship a healthy one where we support but don't "save" each other.
But dreaming of a man with manners? Have at it girl..
I'm going to give myself a pat on the back right now, though. I knew a lot of what I've been saying in my posts in this forum. But I never embraced them and or lived them. There was a block Thank you Jerkface for removing that block with your latest words and actions. When you continue to show me who you are, I believe you.
[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 8:59 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]
Can this man with manners be Alexander Skarsgard?
Oh, absolutely. Good choice
When you continue to show me who you are, I believe you.
You've been so strong. It's hard to believe them when they show you who they really are because you don't WANT them to be that person. It's so hard to accept.. But you are taking off those rose-colored glasses and seeing the reality of the situation, and you will only get stronger from here..
The possibility of a future where I can create the life I have dreamed about (albeit my WW will always be a part of my life bc of our kids) is how I make it through the day.
she took the possibility of R out of my control so to stave off the pain I dream about how great my future can be!
I have an appointment next week with the legal clinic to file divorce paperwork. WH is giving me crickets still and won't acknowledge the appointment yet.
Anyway, I daydream all the time lately about a great guy who is still faceless and nameless. He is just a normal, easy going man who doesn't drink, race cars or play guitar. He is kind, sensitive, and likes to see movies, go out to nice dinners and have weekend beach getaways together.
He doesn't flirt with other women or act moody because he's bored hanging around the house because he'd rather be with his friends.
We just have a healthy relationship and have mutual respect and are relaxed and content the majority of the time.
Yes, my fantasies get even more elaborate but I think I am trying to channel my energy into a possible future fantasy man rather than stay angry every day at everything WH has become.
[This message edited by cletuswv at 1:55 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]