Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: betrayedinil (61145)

User Topic: Online dating... eek!
♂ 36827
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure why it is so hard for me to pull the trigger? It seems logical, efficient, convenient, easy... I guess those very reasons are exactly why it seems so weird and artificial.

Any hints/motivation to get me over the hump? Curiosity has really got a hold of me, but writing the description, some lingering self doubt concerns, and just getting back to meeting ladies after 25 years seems so strange, but exhilarating.

Thanks for the help.

D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 48
Xcheater 45
One DD 20
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...

Posts: 674 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 32306
Member # 32306
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lol! I am no where near ready to "pull the trigger". However, I do find it fun to look and see who's on the sites locally. I've seen the dads of some of my kids' friends...awkward!!!

Anyway, I did meet xwh on a internet dating site. It was long before the sites were so popular. I found it a good way to be as picky as I wanted to be without really hurting anyone's feelings. I did not feel the "need" to just "give someone a chance" and accept a sympathy date.

I learned never to meet someone until they produced photos. I always had someone with me to also meet the person for the first "date". This person also knew where we were going.

Please do not read anything corrolation between dating sites and the fact my ex cheated. When we met, we had an instant connection and neither of us ever dreamt we would live anything other than the American Dream. Sadly, he broke along the way and chose to walk on the dark side. It is a regret he will never forgive himself for. We've both lost a lot through this, but he actually lost himself.

I think good healthy relationships can grow out of an online dating site. As long as both parties are in a healthy state emotionally.

Me BW: 46
Him WH: 48
DD: 5-20-11
M: 14 yrs. Together 15 yrs.
Children: (4) ages 14 and younger.
Divorced: 5/24/13
**my apologies for the typos... I login off my tablet and the "smart" type isn't always so smart.

Posts: 266 | Registered: May 2011 | From: movingfast
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On line dating is a vehicle to meet someone.

I have learned that people lie, people vanish without warning, and that it is better to meet sooner versus later.

For me, it is way too easy to concoct a mental image from the emails and that is not reality. So, I prefer to meet early.

OLD is not for the faint of heart. I have toughened up and gotten smarter about it the longer I have tried it. I usually try if for several months and then quit for awhile, rinse and repeat.

Good Luck!

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Posts: 4569 | Registered: Jan 2010
♀ 34677
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I occasionally looked at one site while I was separated out of curiosity. I was at the slim pickings.

2 weeks after my divorce papers came in the mail (18 mos separated) I "pulled the trigger" and created a profile on a totally different OLD site.

I met someone 2 days later. Chatted via multiple lengthy emails for 3 days, one phone call and then a first date...all within less than a week. He's absolutely everything I could have asked for.

I have online dating to thank for weeding out the non matches. We were a 100% match via their computer model, but in real life it's proven to be true.

Give it a whirl! It's a numbers game. My profile had 500 views, I looked at less than 100 in return, had 29 different email messages and I don't know how many winks...but I chose to only talk to 3 and date 1.

Worked for me! He said my profile was funny, down to earth and the pics looked just like me. Just be VERY careful in what you say to describe who you are and what you want so that this works for you.

Toughen your skin and have fun!

[This message edited by I.will.survive at 8:40 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I.will.survive.... Can I ask you which OLD site you tried? you can send me a private message if you don't want to share publicly! I'm just curious!

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2767 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hints: Post more than two photos of yourself. If you usually wear a cap and sunglasses in photos, take some shots without either. Have at least one head shot with you smiling, and a full body shot in another picture. Please no pictures of you holding a fish. Too many of those pictures on the sites! Write something funny in your profile and include a question or challenge someone can respond to. I wrote "I like to play board games--think you can beat me at Scrabble?" Someone else suggested writing something like "extra points if you can quote Monty Python"...something that shows your sense of humor.

There are some scam artists out there so do follow the safety advice all of the sites have listed.

And in addition to the other good advice you've received I'd add be brave, be careful, be yourself.

And a t/j I.will.survive YOU LUCKY DUCK! I'm going on 18 months of OLD...sheesh...I have met some nice men, but nothing that has lasted...could use your mojo!!

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:54

Posts: 4123 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
♀ 21299
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did OLD for several years. I got better at it at each iteration. But, like an earlier poster said, it's all about thickening your skin. My personal tips:

- really put a profile out that reflects your real personality. Not just a safe "generic" one. Once my profile became more and more "me" I found myself with better matches.

-only answer emails from matches who comment on something in your profile. At least you know they read it!

-Meet sooner than later. I wasted a whole lot of time on emailing that went nowhere fast.

-First meetings should revolve around one drink or one cup of coffee. Short and sweet. Let that be known up front.

-Don't take anything personally! Thick Skin. Some people won't like you. This is sometimes disheartening. But remember... you are not everyone's cup of tea. But eventually you will find that person that digs your exact flavor!

Good luck! It can be fun and exciting... I didn't have very many bad experiences. I think overall it was a positive experience. I used to be shy, but I think OLD helped me a lot coming out of my shell. Every OLD meeting is a learning experience and adventure. The worst thing that can happen is that you learn something about another human being that adds information to your personal knowledge base.

True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.† Donít make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1300 | Registered: Oct 2008
♂ 36827
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone, you have inspired me to take the plunge... Full profile has been up for about 45 mins, and so far 4 views, and I wrote to one of them, she replied, and we will see what happens.

Thick skin grown, and flame proof suit donned... Lets light this candle.

D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 48
Xcheater 45
One DD 20
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...

Posts: 674 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 19319
Member # 19319
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While I have had some interesting replies and dates, the majority of it has been positive. Thick skin required and sense of humour as well.

Good luck!

Posts: 204 | Registered: Apr 2008
Topic Posts: 9

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.