Hi, I'm new to this website, so I'm not familiar with all the acronyms. Since I found out yesterday, my head has been all over the place, so I apologize if my post is rambling :)
Background - my husband and I have been married for almost 11 years, and we have 2 kids, aged 6 and 4. Our 6 year old was recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I am a stay at home mom.
Yesterday I caught my husband red handed on an explicit adult dating site on his cell phone. He tried to say he was just chatting with people, but after I got his phone away from him, I saw that he was chatting with women and posted a graphic photo of himself. His profile said he was interested in meeting up with someone for something discreet, and posted a link to a yahoo email account. I made him log into the email account and saw he was chatting with a local 20 year old, but it was clear this was their first conversation.
The whole time he was apologizing profusely and swearing that was all, nothing happened. Then I find in his conversation that he has an account on another adult dating website. I made him log into that account and saw he had various "friends" locally and from another state that he traveled to twice in the last month for work. He again sweared that was all.
Then at this point I found a second secret email address. I found two messages with girls in the other state. One of them he was asking if she wanted to meet up for drinks while he was there. At this point I am near hysterical, certain that he has cheated on me. I told him to leave, I felt like this was the end of our relationship. He didn't leave, just kept apologizing and begging me to forgive him. He said he loved me and couldn't bear losing me.
I told him I didn't know if I could ever trust him again, because he keeps lying, saying that's all, and then I find out more.
Then he admitted he has yet another secret email account, and memberships to 2 more websites and between them, literally over 100 messages to girls asking if someone wanted to hook up that night (while he was out of state), and explicit messages on what he wanted to do with them. There were very few that actually responded, and the ones that did looked like they never got beyond a couple of messages.
After I felt like I had seen enough, he then deleted membership to all the websites and allowed me access to all the email accounts and told me to change the passwords so he can't access them.
When asked why, he said that our love life wasn't as good as it used to be and he had urges that he felt were out of his control. He also said that because I was the only woman he had ever been with, he wanted to know what it would be like to be with someone else. Also, he said he had been having a hard time coming to terms with our 6 year old's diagnosis.
He swears he never met anyone in person, and I think I believe him, but I'm not totally sure what to believe. He is admitting that he was wrong and said he will do whatever it takes to save our marriage. He said he was going to call a therapist today. And promises to be a better husband and dad.
I made him sleep in the guest bedroom last night and woke up to a long apology letter.
I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to forgive him and move on to repairing things, but I feel like our relationship is so damaged now, and I don't know if I will ever be able to see past it.
I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, because I don't necessarily want anyone to know. I guess that's why I'm here.
[This message edited by betrayed05 at 8:57 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]