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Scared...Less than 24hrs til surgery

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whensenough posted 6/4/2013 09:33 AM

So I will be having a c section in less than 24 hrs.

This will be my 4th. My last 2 were the only times Ive ever been away from my kids for more than a few hrs. Seriously they never leave me.

Partially because I have no one in small family who is kind or loving enough to want to be with them or watch them.

But also because something always goes wrong when I leave them with these self serving narcissist people in my life.

I trust my kids with no one. But I have no choice :(

I completely hate hospitals and surgery and I am not to fond of drs in general...

My 2nd biggest fear in life is that something will happen to me an that either my Extremely NPD MOM, Selfish Sister (who is a work in progress of my mom) or NPD Ex-Addict FWS will have to keep them, and all this work Ive done and do to keep the from growing up in the misery and abuse will be thrown out the window.

I would give anything for them to not have to grow up in the hell I did. If they have to be with any of these people close to me they will have it hard. Between 9yrs old and 16 I tried numerous times to take my life. Due to the the sadness and abuse my mother caused. Crying for help from other family members for help.

Nobody would help... she was a narcissist. She wore/wears a mask around others. As does my WS and Sibling. They dont care about the feelings of others as long as what they show publicly appears "right". And they only know how to put there own needs first.

I Just get really bad anxiety leaving my kids and to throw surgery on top of it makes the anxiety 10x worst.

I wish so badly that I had someone I could trust leaving them with. Even for future references, possibly.
I am just counting down the days til I am back at home with my new arrival and my other 3 fav people in the universe.

deeplysad posted 6/4/2013 10:43 AM

Congratulations on getting to see your baby in 24 hours. Wishing you a successful surgery and a life of joy with your new baby.

nowiknow23 posted 6/4/2013 10:47 AM

(((((whensenough))))) Your children are very lucky to have you as their mom. Keep breathing, honey. Try to focus on the new baby's arrival. You will be back home with all your kids before you know it.

jo2love posted 6/4/2013 10:57 AM


Congrats on your new little one.

simplydevastated posted 6/4/2013 11:01 AM

Congratulations on your new baby! This should be an exciting time for you not something to stress and worry about. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this as well. If I was closer, I would watch your kids for you.


whensenough posted 6/4/2013 12:55 PM

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. They truly mean so much.

I get so scared before going in for a c section. And on top of that I am being so stressed out by the people closest to me. Out of all my pregnancies I have never dealt with the levels of selfishness I'm dealing with now.

I feel worried angry resentful upset jaded disappointed stressed nervous afraid. These aren't normal prolonged feelings for me but they have been getting worst for the past few days.

Your words have uplifted me though. Thank you all again for the well wishes. . Maybe I will feel happiness once I get to see my little bundle of joy. If that doesn't work I'm sure they'll have me on some type of happy meds lol

still2suspicious posted 6/4/2013 15:41 PM

sending hugs for tomorrow.

Just keep reminding yourself that it's only for a few days, and your family can't undo all that you do in just that time!

Enjoy that new bundle of joy. It sounds like you will have your hands full once you get home.

I'd watch your sweet babies in a heartbeat, if I was closer

eta: hate spelling errors

[This message edited by still2suspicious at 3:42 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

SoVerySadNow posted 6/4/2013 16:31 PM

You sound like a very good mom, and it is very telling that although you are heading into a major surgery which will have significant pain (along with a lovely new baby!) that your thoughts are with your children.
I had four c-sects too- never easy. Good luck to you, and enjoy your sweet baby.

sullymeishadomi posted 6/4/2013 19:39 PM

I had to leave my dd with people I didnt trust when I was in the hospital for 6wks then had c-section. It was very hard but reality was there was no way around it. Unfortunately they are what you have to fullfil a need

Youre a wonderful mom. You see how you were raised is not acceptable and you go to great strides to raise your kids better. Youre wonderful

Congrats on your new little chubby (my nurse had referred to new babiesas chubbies). Lucky little one

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