So I will be having a c section in less than 24 hrs.
This will be my 4th. My last 2 were the only times Ive ever been away from my kids for more than a few hrs. Seriously they never leave me.
Partially because I have no one in small family who is kind or loving enough to want to be with them or watch them.
But also because something always goes wrong when I leave them with these self serving narcissist people in my life.
I trust my kids with no one. But I have no choice :(
I completely hate hospitals and surgery and I am not to fond of drs in general...
My 2nd biggest fear in life is that something will happen to me an that either my Extremely NPD MOM, Selfish Sister (who is a work in progress of my mom) or NPD Ex-Addict FWS will have to keep them, and all this work Ive done and do to keep the from growing up in the misery and abuse will be thrown out the window.
I would give anything for them to not have to grow up in the hell I did. If they have to be with any of these people close to me they will have it hard. Between 9yrs old and 16 I tried numerous times to take my life. Due to the the sadness and abuse my mother caused. Crying for help from other family members for help.
Nobody would help... she was a narcissist. She wore/wears a mask around others. As does my WS and Sibling. They dont care about the feelings of others as long as what they show publicly appears "right". And they only know how to put there own needs first.
I Just get really bad anxiety leaving my kids and to throw surgery on top of it makes the anxiety 10x worst.
I wish so badly that I had someone I could trust leaving them with. Even for future references, possibly.
I am just counting down the days til I am back at home with my new arrival and my other 3 fav people in the universe.