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What if the OW keeps contacting?

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getting_stronger posted 6/4/2013 09:40 AM

My Wh told the OW that he could no longer talk to her, and to stop contacting him.

However, she won't. Telling him that she's having a really bad time with her husband and he almost set her house on fire last night, and she just wants someone to talk to and misses his voice. He's told me every single time she's tried to contact him.

It was an EA that was strictly phone conversations. It only lasted 3 weeks. We don't know her address to send a NC letter. What should our next step be?

KeepCalm_CarryOn posted 6/4/2013 09:45 AM

I'd find her address to send a NC letter and let her know in the letter further contact will be deemed harassment and you will go to the police. If she contacts again, go to the police.

If you have her phone number you should be able to get an address.

Mack9512 posted 6/4/2013 09:52 AM

Have you tried googling her or using Spokeo to find her address? I used both with GREAT success.

Sounds like your WH's OW is looking for a KISA, but aren't they all.

The longer you both go without responding to her fishing attempts the less she will contact you. My fwH's MOW would constantly bombard him with text messages, voice mails,etc. It took a while but we haven't heard from her in almost 2 months.

I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

OneFootForward posted 6/4/2013 09:54 AM

NC = NC.

If that means you have to take extreme measures to make NC happen, then do so. If you need to get a new phone number, do it. If you need to delete email accounts, do it. FB? Close it. Etc.

If you give the enemy an avenue of advance, they will take it. To expect anything less from an enemy is just foolish. However, you can flip this around on them if you hijack the avenues of approach. Turning their avenue of advance into an ambush. Auto forward emails, get a new cell but keep the other, etc. You can then give the info to a lawyer and drop the intent to file harassment charges, restraining order or order of protection against the OW.

This may inconvenience or burden you financially. However, it also lets your spouse know you are serious.

mepe27 posted 6/4/2013 10:13 AM

I think if your H responds to each call with "my wife and I are working on our marriage, everytime you contact me I share it with my wife so she knows I am not hiding anything from here. I will not communicate with you other than this statement from here on out" and repeat that everytime she calls, my guess is it will get old and when she sees she isn't getting anywhere she'll stop. It might take a few times for her to get it tho.

We didn't do a NC letter but he sent her an email with pretty much what I said and she did try to fish a few times, she was testing I think to see if I had put him up to it and he didn't mean it or to see if he changed his mind, it happened 3 or 4 times over 6 mos and he responded that way and she stopped. If she continues after several conversations like that then I would tell her next time she calls you will file a restraining order.

Not sure if this is an issue but any ounce of hope your H gives her will keep her calling. My H didn't get it, one of the first NC emails said "I'm sorry for involving you in this " BLAH! I told him that basically told her that it's not her fault, you still feel for her b/c you don't want her to feel bad about her behavior, no no no! That will give her hope that he wants to make sure she's ok. He didn't get it, we had to go over responses so he'd know how he would be interpreted. I just mention that he's said or done something unbeknownst to him that gives her some hope. I don't think her address is necessary to convey an effective no contact agreement, personally.

Lucky posted 6/4/2013 12:23 PM

We don't know her address to send a NC letter.

If you have a name or a phone number you can find anyone. It's not hard if you really want NC! I used a reverse cell search to find OW. It took less than three days to have a name, address, etc.

Is it possible to block her? Change the number & e-mail?

For about $100 you can have an attorney write a strongly worded letter. You don't need to give details other than she appears to be fixated on your H & you want it stopped. In our letter we included every possible avenue of contact, including our kids, e-mail, phone, in person, smoke signal ....

If you want it stopped, then stop it.

tryin2havefaith posted 6/4/2013 13:29 PM

We changed EVERYTHING. Email, FB, and fwh changed phone number. No avenue of contact for OW.

Of course I still have key logger in place (only because i just never unset would give me an alert if he so much as googled or types in her first name ) and randomly check phone bill. But NC has been maintained a long time now and fog lifted completely.

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