Sorry you are here Cyzygy.
My 1st DDay was back in Sept 2012. There were 4 ddays following that. My fwH kept on tting, blame shifting and rewriting the marital history until until I was willing to throw him away. We had been separated off and on for 6 months and at the point where true R happened we were on week 7 of the latest separation...the longest ever. I completely wiped my house clean of him, with the exception of my DD's room, and left everyone on the front porch or in the garage for him to take whenever he come to pick up DD. I was completely NC and doing a hard 180. He broke down and begged for R.
I took him back with a long list of boundaries and only one consequence of immediate D if he broke any of them.
The MOW wouldn't let go for a while and both of them agreed to one final f**k for "old times sake"; got caught and the proverbial shit hit the fan.
I immediately started on upholding my consequences and got all of the ppwk and whatnot ready for my attorney. However we both took a day off from work (actually I told him that if he wasn't at our house when I got him we were done) and talked for 5 or 6 hours straight. He knew that I was ready to leave him for good. He also knew that I didn't need him. The ONLY reason that I didn't file for D was because I/we made a promise to our DD. I stayed in the M for her and he had to do whatever was necessary to make me want to stay for the M and not just my DD.
It has been slow going and there have been some shaky days but with work from both of us (more for him) we are solidly in R and enjoying each other again. All of our other attempts at R never worked because he wasn’t fully invested and completely remorseful. Until that happened there really isn’t any point of trying, IMHO.
So to answer your question…for my fwH and I, it has taken 5 months of hell and 3 months of hard work to get to where we are now.