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Dammit. I Knew Better.

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ajsmom posted 6/4/2013 12:34 PM

DSD #2's birthday is today. I haven't seen her in over five years.

The only contact we've had has been me sending her birthday text messages and her acknowledging them. My conversation thread with her is very thin as a result.

Still...I hemmed and hawed for the past few weeks on even sending one this year. I have tried to stay on the high road and acknowledge her and her sister's birthdays even though it's painfully obvious they don't really want me in their lives. The last time DSD #1 contacted me was around the holidays. I've seen my(?) granddaughter twice since she was born - shortly after her birth and at Christmas. No contact since then, though I've pulled back myself (that "hot stove" theory we all know so well).

I've not been wished a Happy Birthday by either of them in years. Mother's Day? Naw. I guess my replacement has taken over for that.

As a result, I was *thisclose* to not sending it but relented this morning and off it went.

When I didn't see a response after a couple of hours, I sent a text to Rico asking if her number was the same thinking (hoping) it had changed.

It hasn't. It's pretty freaking obvious she received it and is choosing to not respond. I guess it is her way of permanently closing the door.

So be it. I guess you really can be in someone's life since they were 14 months old and raise them from 3 years old well into their twenties and still not mean a damn thing to them.

I really wish I had just listened to myself.

Oh well. Onward and upward.


lieshurt posted 6/4/2013 12:36 PM


nowiknow23 posted 6/4/2013 12:36 PM


Deeply Scared posted 6/4/2013 12:42 PM

(((Aj))) Ouch I'm really sorry

jo2love posted 6/4/2013 12:44 PM


FaithFool posted 6/4/2013 13:38 PM

it's painfully obvious they don't really want me in their lives.

Print this out and put it on your fridge.



Random thoughts posted 6/4/2013 15:26 PM

Their lost because most sane people would all who love them in their lives.

Speaks volumes about which life path they chosen to take.

Sorry it turned out this way. Time to close the doors and windows in that house.

meaniemouse posted 6/4/2013 16:29 PM

ajsmom--sorry that happened. You are the bigger person and good for you for continuing to try and keep in contact. It really sucks that some people can be so cold, or cruel or maybe just clueless about those things. It really says more about her than it will ever say about you.

gahurts posted 6/4/2013 16:56 PM

I'm so sorry (((((((Ajsmom)))))))

Chrysalis123 posted 6/4/2013 19:10 PM


Kajem posted 6/4/2013 19:16 PM

(((((AJ's Mom))))

ExposedNiblet posted 6/4/2013 19:20 PM


I'm so sorry.

Catwoman posted 6/4/2013 19:33 PM

You know . . . This isn't about you. It is about not upsetting the apple art with their father, who would take it out on them. Plus, as they look to him for an example, well, you get the picture.

It doesn't make it any less hurtful.

However, the more I learn about NPD and its ripple effect on everyone around the narcissist, the more sense these seemingly random acts of cruelty make.

The narcissist's love and devotion is conditional and must be earned daily under a set of ever changing rules.


[This message edited by Catwoman at 7:34 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

windows posted 6/5/2013 08:52 AM

Just hugs for you...

sadone29 posted 6/5/2013 08:58 AM


They can never turn around and accuse you of abandoning them. Maybe one day they'll grow up emotionally and see how much you've done for them. If not, at least you can have peace that you tried.

wildbananas posted 6/5/2013 09:04 AM


better4me posted 6/5/2013 09:33 AM

So sorry. (((ajsmom)))

yewtree posted 6/5/2013 10:08 AM

I'm sorry honey. I came to that same conclusion about my nieces on XH side. I raised their moms so they were more like grand babies to me than nieces.

It hurts, and then you move on.


WakingFromADream posted 6/5/2013 10:09 AM


Sad in AZ posted 6/5/2013 11:17 AM

And now you know better some more. I'm sorry you're hurt. (((((ajsmom)))))

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