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ajsmom (original poster member #17460) posted at 6:34 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
DSD #2's birthday is today. I haven't seen her in over five years.
The only contact we've had has been me sending her birthday text messages and her acknowledging them. My conversation thread with her is very thin as a result.
Still...I hemmed and hawed for the past few weeks on even sending one this year. I have tried to stay on the high road and acknowledge her and her sister's birthdays even though it's painfully obvious they don't really want me in their lives. The last time DSD #1 contacted me was around the holidays. I've seen my(?) granddaughter twice since she was born - shortly after her birth and at Christmas. No contact since then, though I've pulled back myself (that "hot stove" theory we all know so well).
I've not been wished a Happy Birthday by either of them in years. Mother's Day? Naw. I guess my replacement has taken over for that.
As a result, I was *thisclose* to not sending it but relented this morning and off it went.
When I didn't see a response after a couple of hours, I sent a text to Rico asking if her number was the same thinking (hoping) it had changed.
It hasn't. It's pretty freaking obvious she received it and is choosing to not respond. I guess it is her way of permanently closing the door.
So be it. I guess you really can be in someone's life since they were 14 months old and raise them from 3 years old well into their twenties and still not mean a damn thing to them.
I really wish I had just listened to myself.
Oh well. Onward and upward.
AJ's MOM
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 6:36 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 6:36 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 6:42 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
(((Aj))) Ouch 
I'm really sorry
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 6:44 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
(((ajsmom)))
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 7:38 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
it's painfully obvious they don't really want me in their lives.
Print this out and put it on your fridge.
arseholes...
(((ajm)))
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
Random thoughts ( member #2959) posted at 9:26 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
Their lost because most sane people would all who love them in their lives.
Speaks volumes about which life path they chosen to take.
Sorry it turned out this way. Time to close the doors and windows in that house.
Those three words are said too much and not enough.Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.FWW
meaniemouse ( member #10798) posted at 10:29 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
ajsmom--sorry that happened. You are the bigger person and good for you for continuing to try and keep in contact. It really sucks that some people can be so cold, or cruel or maybe just clueless about those things. It really says more about her than it will ever say about you.
Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James
gahurts ( member #33699) posted at 10:56 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
I'm so sorry (((((((Ajsmom)))))))
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 1:10 AM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 1:16 AM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
ExposedNiblet ( member #30803) posted at 1:20 AM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
((((ajsmom)))))
I'm so sorry.
Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 1:33 AM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
You know . . . This isn't about you. It is about not upsetting the apple art with their father, who would take it out on them. Plus, as they look to him for an example, well, you get the picture.
It doesn't make it any less hurtful.
However, the more I learn about NPD and its ripple effect on everyone around the narcissist, the more sense these seemingly random acts of cruelty make.
The narcissist's love and devotion is conditional and must be earned daily under a set of ever changing rules.
Cat
[This message edited by Catwoman at 7:34 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
windows ( member #14054) posted at 2:52 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
sadone29 ( member #38597) posted at 2:58 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
(((ajsmom)))
They can never turn around and accuse you of abandoning them. Maybe one day they'll grow up emotionally and see how much you've done for them. If not, at least you can have peace that you tried.
DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"It is an act of self-respect and preservation to not forgive."
He finally moved out only because I became on obstacle in his new affair.
wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 3:04 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
better4me ( member #30341) posted at 3:33 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
DDay 11/17/2010 BW:58
Happily remarried!
yewtree ( member #16671) posted at 4:08 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
I'm sorry honey. I came to that same conclusion about my nieces on XH side. I raised their moms so they were more like grand babies to me than nieces.
It hurts, and then you move on.
(((AJM)))
Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)
Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 - No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.
WakingFromADream ( member #33934) posted at 4:09 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
Me(37) DS(9) DD 11/16/11 EA(PA?) M 11y D 9/3/13
Don't make anyone a priority when you are only an option.
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 5:17 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
And now you know better some more. I'm sorry you're hurt. (((((ajsmom)))))
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
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