Just wanted to post something positive about R. (yeah, again, I know)
We are over 8 months out and I see more and more how much my fWH has truly changed. In ways big and small. He is trying so hard everyday to show me his love and give me support. He recently went through a big stress at work and we spoke about how this could really be an opportunity for him to open up about his feelings and make sure he didn't pull back from me. That morning he ran my bath and then climbed in with me (and etc) and later told me he wanted to make sure that I could feel that he was thinking of me and felt his love. Then this am he offered to get up with the dogs (yay!). I got a text from a friend asking for a BIG favor and I had to leave the house immediately. He asked what he could do to help, then later texted and called me several times to see how it went and how I was doing. He just never would have done these things before.
This was after we spent the weekend performing with our ballroom class a latin routine in a dance recital. My husband! He was great and told me he had a lot of fun.
I have said this before, but if I could go back and erase the LTA but never learn of the CSA or have my H as he is today I would not do it. He was borderline depressed, felt an empty place inside, was unable to fully connect with me or have the emotional bond that we both deserved. He was guarding himself, fearing control, fearing that attachment led to betrayal, etc. We were both making the best of it, but now that I see what is possible I would not go back. Sure the pain has been horrible, but I was living with 75% of the man I married. Now I have close to 100% and we are both so much happier.
So I continue to work on feeling safe. I don't currently fear another affair, but I do fear a return to the old ways. I am vigilant. We both keep working. But I am happy, so much of the time, even though the A is never far from my mind.
Thanks for listening, and thanks for everyone's support over the last months; it has been invaluable.