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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Reconciliation is truly possible after all the pain?
spinningwheel
♀ 39336
Member # 39336
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been reading posts since I joined SI a couple weeks ago. I finally filled out the "my story" portion in my profile and think it's time for me to start engaging here.

I'm finding Reconciliation after such devastation takes enormous courage and faith. Some days I just don't think I have it in me to try. But on those other days when I do, I feel hope swell inside my heart and know it's what I really want. I just have to find a way to feel comfortable with extending trust - even a little- to someone who has abused it and used it to their advantage. Ugh. Reconciliation is definitely not for cowards or the faint of heart...


Posts: 31 | Registered: May 2013
IGaveItMyAll
♂ 38622
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reconciliation is definitely not for cowards or the faint of heart...
NOPE!!! It takes ALOT of work. Both on yourself, your marriage, Your WS on themselves and you both have to want the same thing. Its hard!!! BUT worth it.


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
MoreWould
♂ 37982
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Next to marriage itself, R with my FWW was the hardest and best thing I ever did. Worth it, even if 30 years later, I'm still not 100% repaired. Not for sissies, that's for sure.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
2married2quit
♂ 36555
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

R is hard. We've been attempting it for a year now. Not easy at all.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1446 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
sunshine226
♀ 38851
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was willing to give R a try, but considering WH is still living with the OW (17 months later), I give up. Cant do R by myself, so onto the next chapter

Best of luck to all of those who are in R


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
HardenMyHeart
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some days I just don't think I have it in me to try. But on those other days when I do, I feel hope swell inside my heart and know it's what I really want.

I remember when I felt that way. When I had to take R one day at a time.

Now, at nearly 6 years since D-day, we are happily reconciled. R was worth the struggle and I have no regrets.

Sending best wishes to you for a successful R.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5758 | Registered: Aug 2007
NoMorDeceit
♀ 23547
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it is possible.

It takes both people really being on the same page and understanding this is a process with no definitive completion date.

We are 4 years out and we had a long talk about his As this morning, something we have not done in months. I needed too and that was enough for him to stop his work and talk to me for over an hour and answer the same questions for the 5000th time patiently and with zero hint of annoyance. That is part of the process for our healing, but it is absolutely and truly possible to reconcile.


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 607 | Registered: Apr 2009
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

R is definitely possible ... I look to the mods and guides who have done it successfully.

More important, don't forget that D isn't easy, either. My understanding is that the timeline for healing with D is the same 2-5 years it is for healing with R.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10758 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Dare2Trust
♀ 21183
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

spinningwheel,

Welcome.
I read your profile; and as you've learned: It takes time for our WHs to earn back the trust they've lost; throw away.

You will find lots of caring support here. I certainly have.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6197 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 9

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