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Reconciliation is truly possible after all the pain?

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spinningwheel posted 6/4/2013 14:20 PM

I've been reading posts since I joined SI a couple weeks ago. I finally filled out the "my story" portion in my profile and think it's time for me to start engaging here.

I'm finding Reconciliation after such devastation takes enormous courage and faith. Some days I just don't think I have it in me to try. But on those other days when I do, I feel hope swell inside my heart and know it's what I really want. I just have to find a way to feel comfortable with extending trust - even a little- to someone who has abused it and used it to their advantage. Ugh. Reconciliation is definitely not for cowards or the faint of heart...

IGaveItMyAll posted 6/4/2013 14:28 PM

Reconciliation is definitely not for cowards or the faint of heart...
NOPE!!! It takes ALOT of work. Both on yourself, your marriage, Your WS on themselves and you both have to want the same thing. Its hard!!! BUT worth it.

MoreWould posted 6/4/2013 14:37 PM

Next to marriage itself, R with my FWW was the hardest and best thing I ever did. Worth it, even if 30 years later, I'm still not 100% repaired. Not for sissies, that's for sure.

2married2quit posted 6/4/2013 14:58 PM

R is hard. We've been attempting it for a year now. Not easy at all.

sunshine226 posted 6/4/2013 15:04 PM

I was willing to give R a try, but considering WH is still living with the OW (17 months later), I give up. Cant do R by myself, so onto the next chapter

Best of luck to all of those who are in R

HardenMyHeart posted 6/4/2013 22:05 PM

Some days I just don't think I have it in me to try. But on those other days when I do, I feel hope swell inside my heart and know it's what I really want.

I remember when I felt that way. When I had to take R one day at a time.

Now, at nearly 6 years since D-day, we are happily reconciled. R was worth the struggle and I have no regrets.

Sending best wishes to you for a successful R.

NoMorDeceit posted 6/4/2013 22:47 PM

Yes, it is possible.

It takes both people really being on the same page and understanding this is a process with no definitive completion date.

We are 4 years out and we had a long talk about his As this morning, something we have not done in months. I needed too and that was enough for him to stop his work and talk to me for over an hour and answer the same questions for the 5000th time patiently and with zero hint of annoyance. That is part of the process for our healing, but it is absolutely and truly possible to reconcile.

sisoon posted 6/5/2013 15:38 PM

R is definitely possible ... I look to the mods and guides who have done it successfully.

More important, don't forget that D isn't easy, either. My understanding is that the timeline for healing with D is the same 2-5 years it is for healing with R.

Dare2Trust posted 6/5/2013 23:56 PM

spinningwheel,

Welcome.
I read your profile; and as you've learned: It takes time for our WHs to earn back the trust they've lost; throw away.

You will find lots of caring support here. I certainly have.

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