- I'm still relatively new to this but I noticed that the affair happened in April - this is so recent and the questions you are asking are so very familiar and so are the emotions you are describing.
Looking back on the first few weeks after my own WH's confession (January 3rd this year - will never forget that date) I was totally confused about my conflicting feelings. Especially as, like you and like many others here on SI, I really believed I had an amazing relationship and that he would never cheat on me. Not me, not us - we were that sickeningly 'perfect couple' I had thought that if ever it happened there would be no coming back from it yet my first (well ok, maybe my second reaction) was not to flee the situation but to stay and want him still.
I'm not necessarily in a good place right now, and not a great one to give advice, but I just want you to know that these feelings are normal, common and love cannot just be switched off.
Since finding out my WH and I have read books together, had one lot of MC. He's just started IC and we're going to start back up with the MC with a new counsellor. I urge you to read the info on this site - particularly articles in The Healing Library. Perhaps visit the Just Found Out forum too.
I wish you luck in this awful journey none of us wanted to take x