sorry you find yourself having to deal with this betrayel.
You don't have to make a decision about anything right now if you don't want. I understand the feeling of wanting to have this resolved or for it to get fixed quickly. but right now you need to focus on making smart decisions for yourself. It can take some time so don't get too frustrated. Take a step back if you can really assess what you want out of your marriage and whether or not she is being transparent or showing any kind of remorse.
Be sure to protect yourself. I'm not sure where you are located but check with a lawyer if possible to at least see what your options are. You don't have to file for divorce but you should get a better idea what you are in for if your M goes any further south.
If you haven't already, take a look at the left in the yellow box and go to "The Healing Library" and read about the "180". It is there to help you get a sense of self back that sounds like you've let go during your marriage.
Keep posting and asking questions. You will get through this.
[This message edited by RyeBread at 10:16 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]