Thank you for these. NC was/is a major struggle for me, one of the biggest ones.
One thing that's "helping" me in a bizarre way is that if I spiral downward and tell him something personal, he hoards it like a squirrel or chick- munk and uses it against me, for his benefit. Each time pain comes again is another lesson.
Another thing that helps NC is when I was able to really, truly realize that this man honestly does not care one iota about me or my life.
Another thing that helps the most is the nightmares and mind movies, include OW in them with me in a cage, or me drowning and her cackling and I imagine every time I contact him for anything, he runs off and tells her and they throw darts at my picture or run over my blow-up doll. Not giving an iota of "ammo" or reason to continue complaining/blaming me is the number one thing...it's empowering for me to know that I can remove myself from it, but the strength it takes, I don't always have.
For the situation Perv made, Tesla really hit the nail on the head. (Thank you for finding the right words). He was trying to be someone he was not when he was with me and it took a long time to learn that. He even said it the last day he walked out, in manner of speaking.
I also make a small game with myself, and give a small reward for the longer time I can go without any contact from my end. Now it is largely him contacting me, which I find very interesting.
And if I see his name on my phone as new, I find myself saying "Oh, no! What now?"
IC said that's a beginning to healing?
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.