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npd - xh called the sheriff's dept

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SkeerdButHopeful posted 6/4/2013 18:42 PM

My NPD-XH's NCO expired in January, and I made the mistake of thinking he was "getting better" because I hadn't had to deal with any harassment from him since last summer when the judge put him in his place. Then a couple of weeks ago, I made the mistake of responding to an email in which he asked for "better communication" between the two of us. That turned into a nightmare, and he has been sending messages nonstop since. He is very manipulative in that he makes every email "about DD8"; however, the messages are still extremely long and harassing in nature. I finally told him to leave me alone or else I would call the cops.

Saturday day was the day of DD's dance recital. X texted me asking if the recital would be postponed because of the horrible weather we were having, and that he hoped it would because he had no gas, and only had 54 cents to his name. I told him not to worry about attending the recital if things were that bad. He said he was going to even if he had to walk home in the rain.

So after the recital, DD asked if she could go tell daddy bye. I admit that I was fed up with his $h!t, so I told her that he was probably already gone. My mistake. So half an hour later he starts calling her and sending me messages wanting to know why he didn't get to tell her goodbye. DD rode home with my mom because she was keeping DD at her home this week while I'm working. X starts sending me messages telling me to tell my mom to let him talk to DD. My mom's ringer had been turned off, but she finally called and told me she saw where he had called. I told her what he said, and she said DD was asleep in the back seat. I messaged X, and he basically called me a liar and told me that I was in contempt of the divorce decree because we weren't letting him talk to her. Mind you, he had already talked to her on the phone probably five times that day. He started this BS about how he had driven in on fumes and was going to have to walk home in the rain (30 miles).
After several other ugly messaages, I finally told him to leave me alone.

Sunday morning I get a text at 8 a.m. telling me to tell my mom to have DD call him because no one was answering the phone. I called and told DD to call.

After church, my mom calls me and tells me that the sheriff's department came to visit them because X had called saying he was concerned about his child and couldn't get ahold of her. My dad was mad as hell and explained X's history of harassment, the NCO's, his insanity, etc. Come to find out, X had called my mom's cell phone several times instead of their house phone. My mom only uses her cell when she goes out of town. Otherwise, it's turned off in her purse. I'm pretty sure he's afraid to call the house phone because he doesn't want to talk to my dad. My mom and dad are still FURIOUS because of the sheriff's visit.

Has anyone else had to deal with this kind of crap? My X seems to think we should be on call 24/7 so he can talk to DD. The D decree says that I'm not supposed to keep DD from talking to her dad and that he can call during reasonable hours. How much of this do I have to take from him?

Kajem posted 6/4/2013 19:06 PM

What is your definition of reasonable hours? How many phone calls is he allowed per day?

Spell it out (for yourself) in detail what you think is normal for a parent to contact their child when the child is with the other parent.

When someone (sheriff, lawyer, parole officer, judge) asks... give them a copy. If you can have your L put it in a letter and send it to his lawyer.

Unfortunately, you engaged him. Lesson learned.. Next time - Don't. If you can help it.. don't bother. There is no cure for NPD... they just find different ways to do what they want.

He will likely continue to harrass your parents for the next week. I am sorry..Stay strong and if you have to... turn your phone off. or give him a ringtone of silence.... so peaceful when they just want to drive you bat shite crazy.



homewrecked2011 posted 6/4/2013 19:47 PM

Yep, xh was calling our phone, but the ringer was turned off. He called the sheriff's office. They came here and I explained it to them. They said to keep logs in case I have to go to court, so I don't look like the bad guy.

My friend told me this: With this type of person it's never "over". She said she got a spiral and jotted down something every day and the judge accepted it.

Her xh after 8 years was trying to get custody. Luckily, she had written down every time he had her son (rarely).

Hopefully he'll meet someone else soon!

Mousse242 posted 6/4/2013 19:59 PM

Time to go back in front of the judge.

Nature_Girl posted 6/4/2013 20:32 PM

I actually had to get a document signed by a flippin' JUDGE in order to get STBX to be reasonable regarding phone calls. I set a schedule that he was only allowed to call during a set window of time. He could not call any other time, period. The children are allowed to call him when they wish (they never wish). Furthermore, STBX was on official notice that simply because a phone call was missed does not mean I'm keeping the children from him or engaging in parental alienation.

This was the only way to get control of my life back from STBX. He was making things miserable, trying to control us via the phone. As it is he still uses phone calls to grill the kids nightly as to the minutae of our daily lives (what time did you get up? what time did Mommy get up? what did Mommy do today? did anyone come to the house today? did you go anywhere today? what did you eat for breakfast? lunch? snack? dinner? what time did you eat?). I've spent a couple thousand in atty fees sending his atty letters telling him to back the hell off and stop doing this to us.

peridot posted 6/5/2013 00:05 AM

Reasonable phone calls in my state is 2 calls during the week(once a day)and once on the weekend. We had an agreement that one phone call a day was fine or whenever the kids asked to call. He sounds unreasonable to me.

stronger08 posted 6/5/2013 03:53 AM

You need to be vigilant with an Ex or WS who likes to play with the law. Trust me I'm well versed in this area as my XWW was/is the type who loves to play the victim. She had successfully used false allegations against me. This caused me to be thrown out of my home for months while she had her OM practically living in my home and on my dime. On D-day I confronted her and OM together. Things got physical between OM and I. She got in the middle and was knocked to the floor when the police arrived I was the one taken away I handcuffs. I was charged with assault and DV. She and her OM played the victim role to the hilt. It took months and several thousands of dollars to take care of that one. It finally took a forensic scan of my home PC hard drive to prove they were lying. Case dismissed. And nothing was done to her or OM for making false statements to the police. After that she has sought additional RO against me for everything from stalking to harassment. Each time I had to defend myself and each time she lost. But the point here is that they can allege anything. And the Police and courts must and do take a serious approach to this. It will cost you days off from work, emotional trauma. financial worries etc. As was said document everything. If they see that using the law to their advantage works. They will increase the tempo. Just make sure you cover your ass.

Ashland13 posted 6/5/2013 07:57 AM

HI Skeered,

Oh yes, this same thing is happening with us. And Perv breaks promises all the time to DD that break her heart.

He and she are making a game trying to extend their visits and then she runs out of time getting ready for bed-then has fits at me over not getting a tv show. Or with homework, they don't do all the steps for some of it and she has to finish it with me and gets mad.

He made a huge stink and bullied me to have longer visits and make a solid plan with the calendar to be "in stone", but then he makes plans on them and doesn't include her on his time. This week she was deposited to me at my workplace at 10:00 in the morning, not the appointed 7:00 and she missed an event with him that he opted out of taking her after promising.

When I can't agree or she gets an invitation and it crosses his day, if I do not pretend to ask, the drama and bully comes.

They have nightly phone calls and for a long time did not adhere to the "plan" we made even after asking, so got very pissy about my trying to maintain order for bedtime-I imagine as a fellow parent, you can imagine how drama can come when a routine is broken?

I notice that after I mentioned this to L recently, the phone calls are nearly on the dot.

I finally came to learn that he is interpreting the rules and not just doing them. He brings her home late and then gets mad if I am not a doormat and mention it.

All I want in the world is for him to stick to the plans he himself asked for, so the visiting can just go by and be all done.

Yes, he gets like your WH and had his lawyer send a letter to mine that said, "Please control your client about the visits." So that was duly noted and now I just keep a log that I hide and give it to L instead of trying to appeal to Perv himself.

No, you are not alone in this battle and it makes me very angry that the WSs got their way-their freedom-so I feel very much lately like saying, "go away. leave us alone."

I have a neighbor who is a BS and divorced for a few years. She said ExH there has tried to take one of the kids away, but when he got in big trouble at school and got suspended and then got sick, ExH packed his bags without notice and delivered him back to his mother's door without notice.

I wonder if your WH's calling the police was an attempt at getting authorities involved before you could, like a contest? And I wonder the same about Perv, and now it's a permanent record against me, which I don't know how to forgive, for again I did nothing wrong and I don't think you did either.

It's all about these men now, not family, not our children, not about peace. And again, I'm sorry for the added drama.

The thing I've learned is that our children have choices to make in this too, even though they are only children. So on these drama-days, in order to take the heat off me, I just kind of do as they are doing and then DD has a consequence, like giving up free time when she's home because she and he messed up. This way it's nothing to do with me, not my fault and if there is a beef, she and he have to own it.

I have to stifle my anger and worry at her being late for bed, but this is best for me, in the long run and leaves their drama and altercations to them. Does that make any sense? If she's tired or something the next day, I remind her kindly and gently that she had choices to make, like we all do. It felt really cold at first, but I think it will help in the long run and it makes less back and forth with Perv.

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