Oh yes, this same thing is happening with us. And Perv breaks promises all the time to DD that break her heart.
He and she are making a game trying to extend their visits and then she runs out of time getting ready for bed-then has fits at me over not getting a tv show. Or with homework, they don't do all the steps for some of it and she has to finish it with me and gets mad.
He made a huge stink and bullied me to have longer visits and make a solid plan with the calendar to be "in stone", but then he makes plans on them and doesn't include her on his time. This week she was deposited to me at my workplace at 10:00 in the morning, not the appointed 7:00 and she missed an event with him that he opted out of taking her after promising.
When I can't agree or she gets an invitation and it crosses his day, if I do not pretend to ask, the drama and bully comes.
They have nightly phone calls and for a long time did not adhere to the "plan" we made even after asking, so got very pissy about my trying to maintain order for bedtime-I imagine as a fellow parent, you can imagine how drama can come when a routine is broken?
I notice that after I mentioned this to L recently, the phone calls are nearly on the dot.
I finally came to learn that he is interpreting the rules and not just doing them. He brings her home late and then gets mad if I am not a doormat and mention it.
All I want in the world is for him to stick to the plans he himself asked for, so the visiting can just go by and be all done.
Yes, he gets like your WH and had his lawyer send a letter to mine that said, "Please control your client about the visits." So that was duly noted and now I just keep a log that I hide and give it to L instead of trying to appeal to Perv himself.
No, you are not alone in this battle and it makes me very angry that the WSs got their way-their freedom-so I feel very much lately like saying, "go away. leave us alone."
I have a neighbor who is a BS and divorced for a few years. She said ExH there has tried to take one of the kids away, but when he got in big trouble at school and got suspended and then got sick, ExH packed his bags without notice and delivered him back to his mother's door without notice.
I wonder if your WH's calling the police was an attempt at getting authorities involved before you could, like a contest? And I wonder the same about Perv, and now it's a permanent record against me, which I don't know how to forgive, for again I did nothing wrong and I don't think you did either.
It's all about these men now, not family, not our children, not about peace. And again, I'm sorry for the added drama.
The thing I've learned is that our children have choices to make in this too, even though they are only children. So on these drama-days, in order to take the heat off me, I just kind of do as they are doing and then DD has a consequence, like giving up free time when she's home because she and he messed up. This way it's nothing to do with me, not my fault and if there is a beef, she and he have to own it.
I have to stifle my anger and worry at her being late for bed, but this is best for me, in the long run and leaves their drama and altercations to them. Does that make any sense? If she's tired or something the next day, I remind her kindly and gently that she had choices to make, like we all do. It felt really cold at first, but I think it will help in the long run and it makes less back and forth with Perv.Ashland 13
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.