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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

User Topic: "The Rage" Vent - Language Warning
HeartInADustpan
♀ 38341
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I'm just sitting on the couch going about my evening...and then it happened. I got pissed. Not just kinda pissed...really, fucking pissed. I was so mad I could have fucked up Chuck Norris.

Dickhead went to a "conference", and got laid when I was home with our infant DS. Must have been fucking nice to get some. I sure know I wasn't!

Then, all I could think of was his fucking buck-toothed, mop-riding, firefly from hell LTAP!! I'll just refer to her as bitch (lowercase 'b' because she isn't worth it) for ease. Oh my fucking god how could I have been so fucking stupid?!? I want to take a Louisville slugger to his god damn car and not stop beating the shit out of it. He and bitch made an "informed decision" about the purchase of it. I didn't even find out he bought it until AFTER THE FUCKING FACT! He and bitch were always so damn kind to invite ME to go see movies with them. Sorry, jackass, I was the third wheel back in highschool "dates". Ugh...I can't believe I stayed in bitch's house. I can't believe I let my DS around her. I can't believe I let her touch him. I can't believe I let her touch ME! I mean, my god, her oldest grandson is fucking closer in age to WH than bitch was!! Just DISGUSTING!

Oh, and I'm the BAD MOTHER! Yeah, right, because I boxed up my life and moved 600 fucking miles away with our DS per YOUR suggestion and encouragement to trust you and that it was "the best for our family." So what do you do? Meet up with some waffle-faced c*** a week after we left. I had to call you because YOU never fucking called your DS. I had to hold him while he cried every night because YOU were too damn peoccupied screwing around to answer your phone. I had to make excuses for YOU. You were supposed to be looking for jobs, but instead, were fucking around. When you finally got your happy ass here 6 MONTHS LATER, you blamed me for how miserable you were. Lets not forget YOU sat on your ass ANOTHER 8 FUCKING MONTHS at home Skyping and meeting sluts here. I was working my ass off supporting this family ALONE. What thanks do I get?? Hmmm...exposed to god only what diseases, emotionally and sexually neglected and a single mother of one child and another that acted like one.

SI friends, you have got to talk me down from this. I've already busted 4 vases and that was only because I could reach any others. How do I handle the rage?? I haven't said a word, but I want to yell and curse so bad that I'd make a sailor blush. Hell, I maybe already have. I don't know where this came from but I can't fucking take it!

**sigh**

Sorry it's long and not nice. I'm not this kind of person. And kudos if you found the movie quote.

P.S. Sorry for typos. Posted on my iPhone and I'm too pissed to proofread.

[This message edited by HeartInADustpan at 11:33 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Athena1979
♀ 39393
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anger is a natural emotion. Sometimes, you just need to vent. And that's the best thing.

You are looking out for your son. Put your heart and soul into him, just like you are. Show him the right way to treat a woman. Make him a better man than your lowlife husband was.

My pastor said something in church the other day. Well, he says a lot of things...but... he said that every generation of men is getting worse than the one before and each generation of man shows the man wanting to stay a boy for longer and longer.

My pastor said it more eloquently but it resonated with me.

Men aren't caring for their families, their wives a d children. They don't care if they support their family, financially or emotionally. They could care less if their family was homeless or starving and moms will rise up and make sure their babies don't starve. Men don't seem to care what happens to others around them

Now... This is generalized. The pastor also talked about each generation of women are parading themselves around half naked and without dignity....more and more.

Heart in a dustpan, stay strong! Vent here. We will support you. You were wronged. Your son is wronged. Your WH will get what's coming for him. The best revenge you can do is live life well. Be better than him. Be happier than him. You will win!


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
MissD
♀ 39377
Member # 39377
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How frightening... Not the OP vent but the thought of each generation of of wanting to stay boys longer, shirking their responsibilities, commitments, and vows.

Interestingly I think it's when I'm quiet and reserved my WS fears me most.


Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2013
HeartInADustpan
♀ 38341
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...moms will rise up and make sure their babies don't starve.

Damn straight I would. I'd whore MYSELF out before I'd let my boy starve.

Interestingly I think it's when I'm quiet and reserved my WS fears me most.

That's just it. I was just laying down, casually got up, went to the cabinet and started throwing the vases as hard as I possibly could on the kitchen tile. Then quietly went outside for a smoke. Not a word was said.

I did learn vases make the most interesting popping sound when they explode into tiny pieces, though.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interestingly I think it's when I'm quiet and reserved my WS fears me most.

Oh so true as that is when I am really analyzing the situation.

(((HeartInADustpan)))I know how you feel. Every once in a while I look at what he's done as a whole and seriously I would be an idiot not to get a D for the crap he's put me through. yet here I am willing to give him the chance of R (again).

Get mad and angry. Get it out. I break things too it's the only way I can release the rage or hitting my punching bag.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
HeartInADustpan
♀ 38341
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so true, crazyblindsided. I feel like an idiot and a huge pushover for letting him do this to me. XWH#1 did the same and I was out the door fast.

I've never intentionally broke anything before, but it was nice stress relief. I'm really feeling like a nutball.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Jewlz
♀ 39431
Member # 39431
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HeartInADustpan

I can relate to the rage! I am angry most of the day and pray all the time for God to help me stop feeling this way.

It has been only about a month and a half since I found out about my H affair and I think the rage and anger is worse now than it was the first 3 weeks or so. It comes out of nowhere and it is scarey! Last night, I just flipped again. I'll start going nuts and doing things (even with the kids around) and yell and scream.

He left a lot of his stuff all over and it drives me nuts everytime I see it. I had put some of his crap out on the front porch. Well he also chews tobacco and left a dozen water bottles filled with spit chew all over when he moved out 2 months ago and I saved them because I felt like why should I clean up after him. Well they came in handy last night because I took them and shook that nasty shit onto all his stuff, his shirts, his "Word's Best Dad" shirt and left that one outside, on his clothes in his dresser. This stuff is probably worthless to him anyway. He made sure he took his precious sneaker collection that he accumulated during his affair.

Anyway, I get to this point and hate it. I hate that this whole mess he left me with made me into this person. I hate the anger. I am irritable and impatient almost ALL the time and that makes me feel even more worthless and it's a complete fucking cycle!

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way and other women are being put through this. It is just not fair!


Me = BW, 36
Him = WH, 40 (deceased)
Married 13 years
4 children, 14, 10, 9, 1 yr old
DD = April 14, 2013
Left me for OW (x friend in same town with 4 children)
July 2013 - WH wants to R
March 2014 - WH passed away

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
callmecrazy
♀ 38765
Member # 38765
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My house was spotless and I have muscles...lucky OW I take my frustration out in the gym. I rage like this too sometimes but I just run...sprint in my yard until I am physically drained. One night I lit a fire and burned stuff for 3 hours bc I decided we didnt need the things anymore...Just find an outlet that works for you!

Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013
DixieD
♀ 33457
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heart, it may not seem like it now, because this is a stage from hell, but IMO it's good that you are in it. You've reached another level in this process. It's normal and it's natural.

Don't hold your anger in. Release it somehow. The more constructive the better, but whatever works for you. I had to do EMDR therapy to get out of that stage because my PSTD, anger and rage were very intense.

When the anger stage hits, R is a whole different ballgame.

(((heart)))


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
Thinkingtoomuch
♀ 31765
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Well, I must say "you've all added more fuel to the fire" for me!! And I'm 2.16 yrs. out.

Made me laugh, to start my day, which I always need. I love learning new ways to cope because am still dealing with the aftermath of x's A. And everyone makes me feel so normal, which is so hard to remember.

It all has brought up awarenesses in other things in life, that I'm not going to put up with either, so I am getting stronger personally. SI has helped this in ways my IC who moved away 1 yr.ago actually didn't help as much.

Hugs today everyone.


Posts: 822 | Registered: Apr 2011
loveisareddress
♀ 36474
Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I still cared enough to get mad.

That would mean there's something to fight for.


Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.


Posts: 445 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 11

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