[This message edited by sadallthetime at 12:11 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]
[This message edited by sadallthetime at 12:14 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]
My H's OW was 24 years younger and a co-worker. I also thought infidelity would be a deal breaker, but found I too loved my H. I found out on a Monday and just the previous week OW had moved 1800 miles away. Not sure how it would have worked out if it was still on when I discovered the A. We are 9 years out and doing fine.
You don't have to decide anything right now. You need time to process the info. I asked the same questions over and over for months until I could process it all. It does get better. We are 9 yrs out, doing great, however it will always be there for me. We have a loving M, but different.
SI will always be here for you.
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
So sorry you are here! Everyone here can understand and relate to the world of pain you are feeling right now. You will get great counsel and support.
Take care of yourself physically and emotionally as best you can - your world has just been blown to bits and you're in a fragil place. Read as much as you can here and in the Healing Library.
You are likely in no condition to make any major decisions - don't. Give yourself time to process the tramua and get information together.
No matter what the specifics of your betrayal - you will find wonderful people here who can relate and offer support. In my case, the OW was half my Hs age - and that alone is ego crushing! Many BS have contracted STDs because of the As and sadly, some have given it to their spouses. For this reason, you need to make an appointment with your doctor to be tested - remember YOU are the priority now.
You may not believe it now, but you will get through this. Sending hugs (((Austin))) and strength.
My H gave me his whores STD after 30 something yrs of marriage.
Please strike while the iron is hot while he is still remorseful, and have him sign a post-nup, and take a polygraph NOW to verify what he is telling you. Don't even bother trying to decide whether or not you want R or D at this point, just concentrate on gathering info and evidence. Trust me, later on you will so glad you did. BUT, you must do it NOW.
I appreciate the validation you guys give. Its the only thing that reminds me that I am only "temporarily insane"!
Now I am just numb and reality is I still love him but how can I go against my word and ever try to forgive him!
You don't need to make that decision at this point:
In my opinion - "forgiveness" is like trust - I needs to be earned.
So, don't worry about forgiveness right now. Just take things one step at a time.
Read the articles in The Healing Library in the yellow box in the left corner.
There's several things your husband needs to do to start the healing process:
He needs to send the OW (Other Woman) a No Contact Letter, informing her this affair is OVER, and that she's nevert contact him again on a personal level, by phone, text, email unless the contact is strictly work related.
If the OW is married - her husband needs to be told about the affair immediately. He deserves to know.
Then your husband must be totally transparent, and give you access to his phones, emails, texts; so you can VERIFY that all contact with OW has ended.
Is your husband willing to seek counseling to address why he cheated in the first place?
Your husband has lots of work to do to FIX this mess he's made --- THEN, you can decide you you're willing to continue on with the marriage and work towards reconciliation.
I'm so sorry for the pain and turmoil you're going through. We're here to help and support you.
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
You are in safe place. Read, read, read. Take care of you.