Last night I was watching tv and of coarse there was a show on where a couple was dealing with the aftermath of an affair and it showed how the kids were effected by it. I was able to watch the show since the couple wanted to make it work. So I then changed the channel to something else after the show was over to a new show which I thought would be interesting since it was a murder mystery show. Wouldn't you know it was all about a woman who was murdered after guess what, having an affair with a married man!!!
Not only was he married but the man had the same name as my H. Well this just sent me over the edge!!!! I had to get out of the room and FWH sat there continuing to watch the show for a few minutes. Once he came in to bed he had asked me if I had a bad day or a bad hour, trying to get me to talk and I at first did not want to say anything, I was trying to process the situation/trigger in my own head. But I just let loose with such rage. I told him that I am very angry with him for a lot of things.
I explained how angry I was that he gets to walk around being happy with the fact that he gets a second chance to be home with his family, where for me not a day goes by that I an not triggered by what has happened.
I told him that I am angry that not an intimate moment goes by where I am not thinking about what he had done with her or how the thought of what we had at the time was nothing since he did all of this stuff with OW and thinking how I must compare with her.
I explained to him that our marriage was not enough, our vows were not enough, the commitment that we had made with each other was not enough to keep him from sleeping with OW.
There were a lot of other things that were said to him about the affair and how I have been feeling.
He was understanding and explained to me that he is healing through trying to help me heal, which I guess should be good but I have suggested to him since the beginning of R that he get on SI even just to read what some of the other WS are going through and he will not do it. He explained that he likes our MC and this is where he talks about what is going on. The thing is we have not had an appointment since April and we don't go back until the middle of this month (FWH schedule makes it hard to schedule appointments consistently).
I know that this seems long but I guess my point is that I did not have a choice in my life being turned upside down and inside out to the point that I am forever change. He made these choices that will forever effect me and I did not have any say in it. I just get angry some times.
married 13 years together 19
He walked out on me and the girls 5/26/12
Recovery started 9/15/12
Hoping for Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom!!!!