I am in a very similar place that you are, but not on the pills for various reasons. And when I had them before, they made me so darn loopy that I begged off. I understand the reality of them though and think sometimes they do have benefits.
STBXH/Perv pulls the same sh with his lawyer, who is another tool. The lawyer himself strikes me as narcissistic also, which isn't helpful to post, but to say that it helped me to see and know for myself.
Perv demands more parenting time and then makes plans on it and won't take DD with him! Like, hours, an entire day and evening, dumps her off early.
FWIW, I actually write these down in a notebook small enough to hide from each of them. And I work very hard not to get reeled in to back and forths with him.
Your child being older is harder, in some ways, for his independence is not easy to work with.
One thing that helps me (even though it hurts me mentally and makes me feel small), is that I've learned to ask for back up from professional offices we've been to. Sometimes it's all that works and I'm trying to think of an example that's relative to your post.
Maybe the or a counselor would be able to help and would be a third party.
As to the tears, I think this is some of the most core or fundamental things in life for anyone and when divorce comes, these core and fundamental things we've worked for so many years are changed and taken away, not of our own choice sometimes.
And we are stretched to the point of breaking with our nerves, which push my tears, for my nerves can't handle much right now. Sometimes it seems as if no matter what we try, we can't win. I feel like I can't keep anything or anyone in my grasp, like things and people slip through my fingers and I am falling through the earth.
It seems like it's also our wish to please and though we are working to the point of sheer frustration, nothing we do as Bs is enough, or right, or okay for the people who let us down and continue to maim us emotionally, with their constant demands.
When it comes to our children, there isn't much I wouldn't do to protect DD from harm and that pushes my strength and maybe yours, too? Mama Bear is coming out and all of this takes such a huge toll on our emotional strength.
I've had to borrow money for this divorce and swallow even more pride to ask. In re. to the money part, FWIW, is I make lists of things that happen 'between us' and when I am going to see or speak with L, I bring them. I only contact him with a list or major problem and I've had to let go of things that emotionally killed me to put aside, things that argued with my core values or wishes for DD.
There is not credit given for what we do and I've learned not to expect or wish for it anymore. Set backs will come, no doubt, so anything you find any pleasure in at all, do it longer! Or again! And concentrate on how it feels! I mean small things...the sun on your face, the window open in the car on a hot day...
What helps me with the crying is going back to basic and sort of raw living. Finding joy in seeing a wildflower.
The one positive thing this has done is taken me back that way, where the smallest, minutest thing in life is important and smiles come from truly simple things.
I will end now, but hope I helped in any way and send the other piece of advice I do, which is to never, ever respond right away.Ashland 13
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.