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I'm happy and sad at the same time.

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libertyrocks posted 6/5/2013 16:49 PM

I'm happy we are in R, love each other again, but I still can't let go of all those OW he had the "romantic" love with. Both our MC's agree his first love was beer. But, but, but. Yes, I keep saying "but."

Am I in denial still? MC's keep asking why the past matters...He's done remarkably well so far with owning his stuff, IC, fathering, husbanding, etc.

Does anyone else have a "but?" but still trying to move forward.

Guess I hit a bump in the road. I've been good for a while now...

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:50 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Missymomma posted 6/5/2013 16:51 PM

Uhm, I'm sorry but in no way should you already be over this. It takes 2-5 years of hard work from both partners, to get over it. There will be many more ups and downs inbetween. Why would an MC say this? Are they unfamiliar with infidelity and addiction?

SisterMilkshake posted 6/5/2013 16:55 PM

Yes, my MC said the same thing about 2 months after d-day. We had a session where I was supposed to ask all the questions I needed to and then that was it, I needed to move forward.

AYFKM? I didn't even know half the questions I wanted/needed to ask 2 months after d-day. Some MC's just don't get it.

libertyrocks posted 6/5/2013 16:59 PM

I understand Sister. Years. I'm impatient, it's me that wants to get over this...it hurts too much.

Yes, they are both chemical abuse MFT's, one a pscychologist.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:59 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

rachelc posted 6/5/2013 17:00 PM

Some MC's just don't get it.

and your MC asking you why the past matters? Because his actions in the past crushed your life into a million pieces, because you need to feel emotionally safe with your spouse and if past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior - Um yeah, that's why it matters.

MoreWould posted 6/5/2013 17:15 PM

You're early. This is a long road, and you have a lot to get over, make that a very long, long road. We've been in R for 37 years, and it's good, but it ain't ever over.

IMHO your MC is Full of Shit and should be either shot or fired. After a few months? Fuggedaboudit !!!

I told one that I would gladly pay for as many sessions as she thought it "should" take as long as I got as many sessions as it "Did" take. That shut her up.

I have to stop before I start ranting, but in my personal experience, only about one in ten counselors are worth the money, and only one in ten of those are actually excellent. Given these odds, you should feel zero compunction to keep one that isn't working for you, and all the freedom in the world to drop them like a hot potato and look for better. You didn't marry them.

Knowing posted 6/5/2013 17:19 PM

8 months into it and I am still making sense of his A, as in accepting that it happened, as in not desperately wishing someone had a magic wand that would make it all go away. Until 6 months, I was still in shock.

It really is a roller coaster.

libertyrocks posted 6/6/2013 09:50 AM

Thank you so much, everyone for sharing.

I missed my session this week. I think I realized they can no longer help ME. They're really there to help my dry drunk of a H...

Don't worry, I'll get a good one this time! :)

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