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Newest Member: After33years (61815)

User Topic: Planning 20th Anniversary. Too soon?
♂ 38230
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Next January will be 20 years. Before D Day 9 months ago WW had hinted she wanted to go on a cruise. But with everything that has transpired....I'm not so sure.

Do I think we'll make it? Heck ya. There are bad days, but the good days outnumber them and are fantastic.

So...being only 9 months into R, should we be even thinking about going away for our 20th?

Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 21183
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You just found your new MC yesterday, right?
Why don't you give the counseling awhile - and try not to worry about the future so much right now. Work on the present issues you're having with your WW and the marriage and see how things go.
Wishing you the very best - you both desever it!

Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.

Posts: 6216 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: PA
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO, too soon brother. You've been back together less than a month. Work on you for a while. Has she been showing true remorse yet? How long has she been sober?

On another issue, the kids probably need to see a stable home life for a while. Mom there consistently and showing them a truly loving side. How are they holding up?


BH 53, WW 45
DS 25(Mine),SD 24,SS 23(Hers),DS 12 Ours, DGS 6, DGD 2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 5561 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 13333
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone's journey is different. For me, this year was the first one that I felt like *celebrating* our anniversary - 7 years later!

4 years after was our 25th anniversary. H so wanted to go away to celebrate. It just wasn't in my heart. So what we did - and this is just semantics, but it allowed me to enjoy a great vkay in Antiguq - we went away but did not call it an anniversary trip. It was simply a vacation. Something we desperately needed.

I'm sure in his mind it was an anniversary trip still, but it helped me not to think of it as an anniversary celebration.

You have plenty of time to decide if you will be ready to celebrate... cruises aren't exactly selling out these days!

Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

Posts: 8480 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, Yak, I think you need a 2 X 4: How do you get 9 months of R?

On 3/14 you posted that your W left and that she wasn't really doing what was needed to heal herself, much less to R. Apparently she came back, because on May 14, you posted that you were separating and she moved out again.

R is possible for you, but your W is the road block. You're already on board; her commitment is very, very much unproven. One day at a time now, and for months to come.

I understand you're excited to have her back with you, but you need to treat your relationship as extremely shaky for the foreseeable future - focus your energy on today alone.

[This message edited by sisoon at 2:23 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17059 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 5

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