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Newest Member: Alleycats (61167)

User Topic: What's wrong with me?
♀ 37922
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things are going very well. I've cleared ow from my head space, she's transferred out of H's dept and will be out of our lives in a couple of weeks. H has been wonderful - still as caring and transparent as ever. I've forgiven him. We are enjoying a new marriage that is by far healthier and more fulfilling than ever before.

But now - without the fear and drama - the absence of the anger and overwhelming emotions...without the need for all the discussions...I'm feeling ...I don't know...I don't have a descriptor for it.

I wonder if I'm creating drama or fear - I worry that it's been false R even though there's been no red flags, no suspicions - it's almost like things are going SO well that I'm afraid to believe it?

Has anyone reached this point - where things are feeling "normal" - albeit a new normal, and not sure how to deal with it?

is it that i'm afraid to be happy? Am I addicted to drama? Any words of wisdom?

Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
Hearthache again
♀ 28564
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course you are feeling this, your life is so different now than prior to A. You have been through a major trauma and just being normal after being in crisis mode for so long can be overwhelming.

You have to learn to be normal again. I equate it to a physical trauma, like a major spinal injury. After the body heals the person has to relearn how to walk and live. You have done your healing and now you have to walk and live again.

I hope that makes sense to you.

[This message edited by Hearthache again at 11:47 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Married-14 years together 15
Kids 4: 17, 14, 10, and 5
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!

Posts: 902 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Heartache says.

I'd just add explicitly that nothing's wrong with you.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16591 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nothing is wrong with you. it's perfectly normal (whatever that may be).

think about it though. for so long your life has been filled with, like you said, anger, drama, overwhelming emotions.. and now, those things aren't there to fill your life/time. it's when that realization hits you that hey.. what do I do with this void? is THIS what "normal" is? wth? it's almost as if you don't know what to do with yourself.

thinking you're afraid to be happy? probably. I sure was. it's that whole "if I'm happy, he'll think I'm OVER IT, or he doesn't have to keep up the way he's behaving now, or it wasn't a big deal or __________ *fill in the blank with your own fear*"

it's a weird feeling for sure.

the good thing is that it's not the same "A normal" you were living before. the even better news is that you get to make this "new normal" your own .

Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."

Posts: 14938 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
♀ 36456
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SO glad you posted this today! I've been trying to put today's feelings into words all day and haven't been able to write anything down. You summed it up nicely for me!

I think I do ask for trouble sometimes. Somehow affairs/divorce/separation get brought up in conversation and all of the sudden I have to ask questions. This morning he mentioned that Tim Duncan is getting a D - rumor has it that his wife cheated. Wife is using Tony Parker's lawyer. That went into our situation. A friend of mine is using the lawyer I would have used had we gotten that far. That went into questions about his mindset during his As - does he look back fondly on those times? Etc, Etc. I've been in a funk ever since...

I think we get so used to the drama that when everything is good, we can sometimes create the drama from nothing just to feel "normal".

Hopefully sometime in the near future, I will be able to accept that he loves me, that he's very sorry for what he did and that it's ok for us to be happy again.

Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Topic Posts: 5

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