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So this is. I thought I'd feel worse but I actually don't. It's been a down week though as I recall everything leading up to the discovery.

So today was the day that changed my life forever. The bomb fell and I have yet to fully recover. Not sure if I should celebrate the year as in, it is in the past... or perhaps look at it as the death of pain & suffering? Not sure.

One thing is for sure, it's been a year. For the last year my heart has been destroyed, broken, hurting, and it is slowly getting back to what it was before, but with some major scars.

She still doesn't say "I love you", but has made the right attempts to go through with the R.

So here we go with yr 2. For the moment I see my wife and I see a woman that has hurt me beyond belief. I think of my friend (OM) and I think of a failed person with zero morals and convictions even though he displayed the opposite to the world. I see myself and my self esteem is getting better, but still not there.

Anyway, just thought I'd share this. Thank you all for your kind words and support. If we were in a group together, I'd hug you all.

[This message edited by 2married2quit at 8:10 AM, June 6th (Thursday)]

((2m2q))

today is my d-day anniversary too...

we'll get through this

((Beemer))

Certainly not a good day to remember but incredible that we basically got our DDAY on the same precise day. Wow, what are the odds of that.

Hope you guys are headed in a good direction?

We are... we really are "healing" (whatever that means )

good days and bad - mostly good - I didn't think today would affect me as much as it did... my situation is a little bit different in that we were separated and I had all but totally detached when I found out about the OW... it just sucks because I feel like during the separation I was really starting to get better - I was finally starting to feel good about myself again and then I found out what I suspected all along was true... just wish he would have told me the WHOLE truth when he gave me the "I'm just not happy anymore" speech

I just realized that came across as a huge downer and that's not accurate - things are actually really good lately - I'm just having a bad day (big surprise)

How are you guys doing?

Me too, I have good days, and I have bad days. After a year, I'm having more good days, but dates like today just kick me back to pain mode.

I never knew someone you loved so much could hurt you so bad. Around this time last year the shit hit the fan. It was like a thousands bricks hit me at once. I didn't know if to throw up, die or have a stroke, but it felt like all 3 would happen. I've never felt pain like that and it continued with every time she broke NC, with every trickle of truth and every single time I had to call OM (my ex-friend) to tell him to STOP COMMUNICATING. By now my heart is so full of scars it's not even funny.

Last Saturday was the D-day for me and I was also expecting it to be worse than it was.

It definitely is a time for reflection isn't it? I just realized last night though, that no matter what happens "I DID IT, I SURVIVED A HORRIBLE THING!" So did you! I wrote out a list of things like, "I did it!", "I hung onto my beliefs", "I can laugh", "I am kind", ect, ect. I decided to celebrate myself for making it through this year. It was terrible and I wanted to give up many times, but I did it.

So, I want to say congrats to you guys too, YOU DID IT!

Thanks PJL - that's a great way of looking at things...

We had a really good night last night and I'm feeling much better today... ahh, the rollercoaster - she's a real bitch

Thank you PinkJeepLady. I really needed that. I AM A SURVIVOR!!!!!

I survived the worse pain that can be inflicted on a person outside of physical harm.

Heck yeah we did! I think that surviving this past year might be one of my greatest accomplishments, aside from raising my 6 amazing (not perfect, but truly amazing) kids.

Glad to know others agree, now let's celebrate, who wants to go for jeep ride?! Lol

Celebrating being a survivor feels pretty good actually. It's one of the few things I can smile about in regards the entire ordeal of the A.