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Midlife Crisis - am I having one?

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stupidstupidme posted 6/6/2013 09:23 AM

I'm not sure, but it feels like maybe I am to me. I feel... unsettled. Restless. Like I need to be doing something different.

Lots of changes this year... lots. Well, over the last two years, other than my job, my life changed totally. Maybe that's part of it.

I'm not unhappy - that comes and goes. I'm just... not quite sure where I belong anymore. Is that a midlife crisis?

tushnurse posted 6/6/2013 10:43 AM

Neh, I don't think so, now if you go get something pierced, or tatoo'd, change your hair drastically and start dressing like a 20 year old I don't think so.

At this point, it's more like a lets stop and evaluate where we are in life, am I happy with it? If not what do I want to change. I get the unsettled feeling.

I ended up making a big career change about 2 years ago, because I was unhappy, and mistreated with my job. I loved the work that I was doing, but I really was getting the shaft from my employer. So I switched it up, got a job that led to my dream job, that was awesome, unfortunately it was ripped away from me unexpectedly, thanks Obamacare...But I landed in another similar job, and it totally low stress, and I think I needed that with a lot going on at home with teen age kids, and my H's health. I just want to stay in a calm low stress job right now.

I hope you figure out what's causing the unsettled feeling, and find a way to feel more fufilled.

((((SSM))))

stupidstupidme posted 6/6/2013 10:49 AM

find a way to feel more fufilled

yes... this. Thanks. That is how I'm feeling... empty.

Sad in AZ posted 6/6/2013 11:42 AM

I'm going through the same thing; if it's a midlife crisis, I'm going to live to be 120!

Seriously, it's an 'old age' thing for me; I'm looking for a place where I can put down roots, perhaps finally live the life I've always wanted and life simply and frugally enough to perhaps not have to work full time for the rest of my life.

jrc1963 posted 6/6/2013 13:11 PM

SSM - you're not old enough yet for a Midlife Crisis...

However I've been feeling that way a little bit, but I'm thinking it's Perimenopause.

nowiknow23 posted 6/6/2013 13:25 PM

I think it's less about mid-life, and more about being in a time of great change.

Like I need to be doing something different.
Try to sit with this feeling and suss out what it's about.

TrulyReconciled posted 6/6/2013 14:15 PM

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/694

Actually ... she's just the right age for a midlife crisis.

Having been through this with someone else from my point of view it's simple: Do the people closest to you treat you like a stranger (because they expect the 'old you' and you've 'changed.')??

They say the typical MLC runs three - seven years and goes through phases - http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_stages.html

It usually seems all wonderful and fuzzy and provocative to the person having the MLC - but is often devastating to those closest to that person.

This isn't to say that change and personal growth aren't great things - they are - it's just often pretty hard on everyone else.

[This message edited by TrulyReconciled at 2:16 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

tushnurse posted 6/6/2013 14:33 PM

My MLC biggest change, taking up a hobby that has turned into a business with my H and Kids. We are beekeepers. The bad thing about this is we don't do much from November-February.

I find it very fufilling, and makes me use my brain.
And it's very calming, working with the bees.

stupidstupidme posted 6/6/2013 15:36 PM

I think I am at the right age too... will be 41 soon. But I am definitely not having fun. It sucks, and gets me frustrated. I definitely think all the changes are a huge part of it.

There are questions in my head like:

How did I get here?
What is fulfilling for me now?
What are my priorities, and are they the ones they should be?
Where am I going now?

TrulyReconciled posted 6/6/2013 17:13 PM

It's definitely not fun.

Well, maybe if you end up with a red sports car.

Sad in AZ posted 6/6/2013 17:52 PM

it's very calming, working with the bees

'calm' must be a subjective word...

I applaud you for doing this, tushnurse. I hope you don't live in an area where you have to worry about Africanized bees. I just about had my fill of them in AZ...

Sad in AZ posted 6/6/2013 17:52 PM

it's very calming, working with the bees

'calm' must be a subjective word...

I applaud you for doing this, tushnurse. I hope you don't live in an area where you have to worry about Africanized bees. I just about had my fill of them in AZ...

truthsetmefree posted 6/6/2013 19:23 PM

A few years older than you, ssm, but I've been experiencing this "funk" for the last few years. It's exactly as you describe. It's not that you are exactly unhappy...you just aren't exactly sure *what* you are. My analogy is that of a sense of going to a new amusement park. It's incredibly enticing in the pictures. It's exciting as you move from one ride to another. But after a while, you start to see that it's just one rollercoaster after another, packaged differently but ultimately much the same ride...a certain level of predictability and an underwhelming sense of, Is this IT?

It's drama detox. Withdrawals are a bitch but there's an incredible contentment in living "clean". After a while, the emptiness subsides and you become quite content to just sit and soak up life rather than try to bottle it and control it. Sometimes we just have to learn how to feel a different normal.

Don't fight this. Don't even worry about what it is or isn't.

[This message edited by truthsetmefree at 7:24 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

tushnurse posted 6/7/2013 09:58 AM

SSM yes you are the right age for MLC, and it does sound like what you are going through. You may also be experiencing some perimenopause. This happens long before real menopause, and the hormones get all wonky, and it can affect your mood. If you make a few changes and continue to feel that way , make atrip to the OB/GYN, ask for hormone levels to be drawn.

(((((SSM))))

Sad,
Nope no issues with the africianized bees. Seriously when you get into a hive, and start looking to make sure they are healthy, and there are eggs, pollen, nectary, brood, etc it is very calming. You have to move slow and steady as not to upset them, you have to focus on what you are doing too. It's kinda like yoga.

SoVerySadNow posted 6/8/2013 11:28 AM


Well, maybe if you end up with a red sports car.

I did...
I know what you mean by restless. It's like waiting for something. I keep busy.

notmeanymore posted 6/8/2013 12:07 PM

I'm 43 and can relate to this also.

I am in the process of changing jobs, which after 21 years at my current job is a huge move for me.

I feel like I'm looking back at my life and wondering about the path I chose. And I'm not so sure about what the future holds for me either.

metamorphisis posted 6/8/2013 13:12 PM

For me, there's this feeling that time is super sped up and I just want it to slow the hell down.
I get this catch in my throat when I look at our parents and they look a bit older and my kids are getting so big and I think "Who the hell am I if I'm not mom, or daughter or sister?". I very much need to figure out what makes me tick other than caretaker because my kids need me less and less and I don't want to be staring at the walls and feeling empty in a few years. It's coming.

I've had this niggling thought in my brain that I'd like to go back to school and work in addiction services. I want to facilitate the freedom in peoples lives that comes from not being owned by substances. I think I really need to look into it because as gritty as I know it will be, I'd get a real sense of pride from that line of work.

Amazonia posted 6/9/2013 05:38 AM

But after a while, you start to see that it's just one rollercoaster after another, packaged differently but ultimately much the same ride...a certain level of predictability and an underwhelming sense of, Is this IT?

I've felt this way since I was 16. Whenever it gets bad, I just pack up and move to a new state, new country, new continent.

Bluebird26 posted 6/9/2013 06:06 AM

I could have written your post word for word.

I feel exactly the same. Maybe it is drama withdrawal. But the x is now back making things crazy again for the kids. Just when I think it has settled down he ramps the crazy back up.

But I am thinking I am lacking some sort of challenge for myself. I am a mother, a sister, a daughter but no idea what I am for me. If that makes sense. I need a new direction.

stupidstupidme posted 6/10/2013 10:48 AM

I need a new direction

Yes... this.

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