[This message edited by jojo42 at 9:51 AM, June 6th (Thursday)]
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Never be so focused on what you're looking for that you overlook the thing you actually find.”
This was not a relationship.
It was an affair.
His first,and only "need" right now should be to do whatever you need to feel safe.
The fact that he wants to talk to the OW for closure..is so selfish. It's all about him..and OW. Not you,not the marriage.
OH! This OW is the one who came to your house the other day and put her hand through a window...then proceeded to text you and tell you your WH was with her..when he was sitting with you..and she was texting you cruel,horrible things.
WHY would he want to ever see her again,after the way she has been so cruel to you?? She has vandalized your home...and you are pregnant.
I know you don't want to,but you cant't be passive. Put your bitch boots on and tell him it's either you and your unborn child..or her.
I know you decided not to press charges or get a RO. Did he influence that decision? If so..he cares more about protecting OW than he does his wife and child.
He also exposed you to STD's...which can cause great harm to an unborn child..please tell your doctor what your WH has done,so they can make sure you and baby are safe.
[This message edited by confused615 at 10:18 AM, June 6th (Thursday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Thank you for all the great advice- you're right, I do need to put my foot down on this one- I think this might be something to hash out with the MC, too, so he can see how serious I am.
Needing closure makes the affair have a point - to know that it somehow had a reason.
Dropping her like a bad habit IS his closure.
In our case I believe it took WH a few months of NC for the fog to lift even though he told me right after DDay the A was fantasyland and knew it wasn't real. Unfortunately that didn't stop him from contacting OW and keeping up the sexting.
Be firm and tell him NC means NC. If he needs closure then he can get it right out the door and don't let it hit on his ass. I don't like sounding so harsh but in these cases you have to be. Otherwise WS will continue doing what they are doing because they are getting away
Gotta love the life that we livin'
Ms. Other Woman
I love my wife. Milkshake is the most amazing, wonderful, caring loving and forgiving woman I know.
I have re-dedicated myself to Milkshake and our marriage. I am so grateful Milkshake is giving me the chance to prove to and show her how much I love her. I will be doing that until the day I die.
I am horrified, disgusted and ashamed by what I did. Even more so that I did it with you.
I regret the day I met you and every minute I spent with you or even talked to you.
I hate you and will never forgive you for the role you played in causing my wife pain. She was innocent and didn't deserve the pain our selfish behaviour caused her.
Milkshake is my past, present and future. You are the past and simply irrelevant.
Do not contact Milkshake or me again in any way, shape or form. We have made a report to the police and our lawyer is prepared to take legal action if needed.
Again, I hate you and never want to see or hear from you again!
Feel free to use any of the letter you may want, or not use anything at all. It makes me smile and I enjoy sharing it.
Most importantly your WH needs to make sure he closes all doors permanently. He can't say anything positive in the least. Like, "I'll always have fond memories" or "You were a good friend" etc., etc., He needs to be cold, businesslike and blunt. No cushioning the blow.
I am very glad that you talked and what WH was talking about was in essence a NC letter. That is some forward progress! YAY!
eta: added a missing word
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 6:45 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Our situation is a little different though, in that he was lying to her too, saying he was getting a divorce, etc. so I don't feel he needs to be quite as hateful in his letter, but just as direct and to-the-point (this is not to say she's innocent- she knew damn well he was married with a kid on the way!).
Thanks for the suggestions and reassurance!
I hope your R continues on this optimistic path!
Sister's NC letter is good, but you know what? A simple "I love my wife. Leave me alone forever." Really is all that needs to be said. The sooner you send it , the better. Because then hopefully OW will stop trying to communicate with him.
Your H needs to block her number.
However, I believe if you call AT&T they can block her number from your account.
Didn't you tell her if she didn't stop contacting your WH,you would press charges against her for breaking the window in your living room? Yet,she is still contacting him. Maybe it's time to follow through with your "threat" and have this woman charged. Playing nice isn't working.
Confused: It never got to that point. I decided that if she contacted me again after Dday night (window breaking, harassing texts to me) I would report her. She hasn't contacted me, only him, and I really didn't want to contact her again ever, even just to threaten her. He hasn't sent her the NC letter yet because we were waiting for the therapist appointment tomorrow to formulate it together with the therapist's guidance. I know that until she receives it, she will continue to reach out to him, so I'm looking forward to getting that to her. The letter will state that if she does attempt contact after she receives it, then that will be looked at as harassment.