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General :
triggers out of the blue

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 cantaccept (original poster member #37451) posted at 5:10 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013

Yesterday I played hookey from work. I never do that but decided I was taking the day to do what I love, painting.

I took the time the day before to get ready, new paints, brushes, canvas, dug my easel out of the basement.

7am outside, beautiful day, feeling so good, I am reclaiming a part of me. Painting away, feeling inspired, then I looked at something on my easel, it's always been there and it never entered my mind before. I haven't painted since before dday.

The logo on my easel is ow's name! I had a manor melt down. This is mine! I carved it out of the wood with a knife. It is so hard when things get you when you are not expecting it. It made me so angry so sad. Sapped all my creativity.

I will not let this stop me, shopping for a new easel.

It just floored me as to how sensitive I have become to every tiny reminder. It was just a little too ironic, I have used this easel for 10 plus years and that one detail never imprinted on my mind. I knew it was there, had seen it but now such a small little word can crush me.

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 6363728
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somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 5:35 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013

..((((ca)))))

..

I will not let this stop me,

..i think the majority of us trigger on so many little things in life that pop up when we least expect them.

..it's how we handle them that counts.

..get back to the painting you love.. it's the best way to fight against those f'n triggers!

smy

trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!

posts: 6080   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2009   ·   location: Ontario Canada
id 6363762
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