What you are doing for your husband is great and all. It really is. Helping them heal, working with them is imperative. But where are you in all this? What have you done specifically for you? Have you found your whys? Have you spotted all the faulty in you? Have you worked to improve those areas?
They aren't kidding when they say 3 things have to heal. You. Him. Y'all together.
You can help him. The rest he does on his own. You can only do so much together. Then there's you. If you put all your focus on him and y'all, you are sitting in the corner going, "Well what the crap..."
Here's how I looked at my healing. I want us to heal. Him to heal, me, us, the whole package. But what if he gets hit by a bus this afternoon? Where does that put me? What will I be? Regardless of what he does, what happens, where life takes us, I have to be ok with me. I have to be healthy. I didn't want to replace that broken part with my husband. If we live together, he deserves the best me possible. I deserve the best me possible.
I'll never forget when I came to the realization, I don't "need" him. I choose for him to be a part of my life. Sounds cocky, but I know a lot of people know what I'm talking about. Instead of this crazy, driven, need to be with him, I simply chose to share my life with him. And part of that decision comes from self-acceptance.
Make any sense?